Must Love Robots - A Guide

Twelve Sided Dice

You may have noticed that in the middle of Pastor Ned's Gospel #5, Johnny/Lugnut stuck in a new puzzle for us.

First of all, the bit.ly/987654321 goes to a hidden file on GHR: touch.html, where we see the angry.jpg from the archive.zip. In the source code is some binary that gives us a hint as to how to solve the dodecahedrons. §

So it's off to print out the image to make some dice. I found it was easiest just to invert the colors, rotate it 90° and then print it at ~150% magnification in black & white. That way it's big enough to work with and you won't use up all your ink printing out the original black background. Once it's printed, make a mark so that you know which is the left and right die, cut the dice out, fold and tape each one together. You should now have two dice with faces containing 9 numbers and 3 stars. §

The solve gives you a new bit.ly number: bit.ly/693812745 which is a redirect to another hidden file: tom.html. Johnny/Lugnut has provided us with an outtake from one of the Gospel recordings. Now we get to find out why Pastor Ned really hates robots. §

Translated binary from Lugnut that was hidden in the source

i recovered this from ludd's recycling bin this morning as he was editing his latest sermon. He gets so worked up, that he goes off on these wild tangents, but then gets embarrassed and deletes them. Maybe it'll give you a little more insight into the man.

Pastor Ned's deleted scene

Some people think I've never known a robot. The fact is my best friend was a robot. My best friend. I worked in a factory. I worked in factory. I put grommets in a vinyl banner. I put them in the corner. For a long time. I had a foot pedal I press on, put a grommet in the corner. And you turn it and put another grommet in, and turn it again and put another grommet in. Four grommets in one. Four, that's right. In each corner. Yep.

One day my manager came and he told me "Ned". I was not a pastor. He just said "Ned, your job, your job is gonna be... gonna change now."

And I said, "Well why? Why?"

"Cause now we have a robot to do your grommet job. Do it faster. Do it better."

So then I saw Tom. Tom was a kinda goofy looking. Kinda tall. Very thin. And one function. Very simple programming. And I hated him. I just despised him because he was taking my job. But over time, well I got moved on to the... I put in the powder into the plastic machine which made the vinyl overlays. And Tom would work nearby. And he liked to tell jokes. And he could, he could tell a joke. Whoever programmed that robot. Because that's what he was. He was just a machine. But they have incipious ways. Satan uses these machines to get right up close. Yep. That's how he does it. I'm not fighting robots. I'm fighting Satan. Satan uses a robot to get close to you. God had no dominion over the robot.

So. Tom and I became friends over time. He became my friend. I was like you. I was confused. I didn't look at him and see a machine. I didn't look at him and see a vacuum cleaner. No, but that's all he was. He was a vacuum cleaner that told jokes, I guess. And I was fooled. I was romanced. You know? I loved Tom. I did. I loved that guy. But it was misplaced. My love was misplaced and misused and abused.

So then, that night. You wanna know what happened? I'll tell you what happened. After work one night, Tom, my wife Jill, and myself. My wife. My wife, Jill. Went downtown. We were gonna go out to an 80s dance club. Now, we had a moment during the Push It song that was so beautiful. We were all dancing. Had so much fun. I don't know. I think I had too much to drink. I couldn't drive. I should have stopped. I should not have had that last one. I should've. But I had one more. My wife, she could not drive. She did not have her license. I loved that about her. And Tom was not programmed to drive. So, what do you do? We went out and got a cab. And we all got into the cab. My wife and then me and then Tom.

We got back to the corner where we were to be dropped off. I told the driver to stop. It was raining out a little bit. My wife stepped outside and got plowed by a car. Just standing there. No time. Didn't know anything. She was dead immediately. I looked over at Tom. I looked over at Tom.

He said to me, "That was car was going 37.5 miles per hour."

And I said, "You had time to calculate how fast the car was going?"

And he said, "Yeah." He said, "And there was nothing I could do."

And I said, "What about your spring loaded arm?" He just wasn't programmed to save her. He could have but he wasn't programmed.

He said, "I wasn't programmed. I wasn't programmed to use that that way."

Oh, damn him. And that's when I knew. He's a vacuum cleaner. That thing is a vacuum cleaner. I couldn't do what I thought so many things I wanted to do at that moment. So many things I should have done. So many things I should have said. But I was just too grief struck. He could have saved her. But he was not programmed to. Or...

So, I was sort of right about why Ludd hates robots so much. It's not that Tom killed Mrs. Ludd, but that Pastor Ned believes he did through inaction. Which seems a little extreme, but then Pastor Ned isn't the most stable individual out there. By the way, is there anyone else who pictures Tom as looking like this? Makes me wonder if Crow worked at the factory as well.

Timmy Time Bathroom Edition

Tim has recorded another ~~Super Great Ideas~~ Timmy Time segment - this time from his bathroom as he is a very busy person. I have to warn you right now, it's kind of disturbing. And not just because he doesn't actually say the words "Timmy Time". There's nothing graphic, but certain things are very much implied. So if you've just eaten or have a weak stomach, you just might want to pass on this one. §

Hello, and welcome to a special bathroom edition of Super Great Ideas with me, Tim Scribbles.

*Super Great Ideas*

Now, you may be wondering what exactly makes the Bathroom edition of Super Great Ideas such a Super Great Idea. When you're a busy business man, like myself, you tend to be doing lots of business throughout the day. And so you don't have time to take care of all the things you need to. But it's not that you don't have time, you have to find creative ways to manage your time to get through every single thing that you have to do. That's why I'm here in the bathroom. Doing two things at once.

BeefyGem sent in a great idea. Let me be honest, it was a great idea. But the thing is, it wasn't a Super Great Idea. It needed a little *hands motioning up*. Her idea, BeefyGem's, is the iPocket. That's where you take your iPhone or iPod and you stick it in like a pocket. It's a special made pocket so when you're a runner or something like that you don't lose it. You can have your hands free and stay focused on the path. And I'm all about focus, okay? I'm all about intensity and focus. So I'm with you, BeefyGem. I'm with you all the way.

So here's what... so here's how I turn your great idea into a Super Great one. I call it, I'm still gonna call it the iPocket, but let me show you. This is a, this is a simple prototype I've worked up here. See? Check this out. This is the iPocket 2.0. Super Great. It's my iPod mounted on my forehead. I'm jamming to the Inactiveware commercial right there.

What makes this a Super Great Idea? Well, when you're out running, you're out jogging, not only do you know where it is and it stays out of the way. You know, it doesn't get sweat on it. It doesn't get, you know, it doesn't fall, it doesn't drop. You can't break it when it's up there. But it prominently displays the iPod. So when I'm running down the street, you know, people come to me and go "Hey! Are you watching the Inactiveware commercial?" And I'm like "Yeah. I'm jamming out to a little Tobor. Or they see that you're listening to Big Willie Time by Will Smith. And they're like "Hey, I love Will Smith." And you're like "Yeah, you love Will Smith too. So hey, why don't we jog together?" So not only is this, you know, letting you run to your music, but now it's more than just music. Now it's a sharing device where it's community building. Okay? Come on, Apple. Get with it.

*toilet flushes*

*Great Idea by BeefyGem*

For a moment, Tim thought this was his best idea yet as he tweeted that he got a phone call from Apple wanting to sell the iPocket. Sadly for Timmy, it was just 011iver calling and messing with him. 011ie totally earned himself a drink in Portland for that. Hell, I might even buy him a burrito.

Further Instructions from Johnny

So remember when Johnny/Lugnut asked us to contact him so that he could give us further instructions? Well, he's finally gotten back to us about that. He sent a message via RFF telling us to be ready to go and pick something up within the next day or so. §

That was yesterday. Today I got a new message from Johnny telling me to go to FedEx Kinko's after 6:30pm. How exciting! I'm glad PostLarval got a message like that too and said something in chat, because otherwise I wouldn't have known until after I got home and I probably wouldn't have had time to go back out before the Scrabble tourney tonight. But now I'll be able to go right after work and see what Johnny wanted to tell us.

Well I was lucky. The people at my Kinko's are not complete and utter idiots and were able to find the package that Johnny Lug sent me. PostLarval and DirtDiver were not so lucky as they were told there was nothing for them when they went to get their pickups. My package was a print out of a shredded letter. Highwind was good enough to piece it back together while I was playing Wabble with the girls. The contents of the letter do not bode well for our robot friends. §

So now we have definite proof that Pastor Ned is paying Coldoil to help destroy robots. I am very sad that the Robot Speed Dating event is just a diversion suggested by Pastor Ned to keep us from discovering the evil plot. I was so excited about it! And now I know I'll be there thinking "This is all just a ploy" and not enjoying myself nearly as much. Maybe I'll just have to drink before the Speed Dating so I won't think about that.

Girls Scrabble

So Thursday night was the night of our big Girls Only Scrabble game where we hoped we could get Chuck to spill a bit about who she was interested in. At first she tried to deny she was interested in either Tim or 011ie, but as chat progressed, it became clear that it was 011ie that she had the crush on.

With that revelation out of the way, it was time to see what we could do to get Chuck and 011ie a little bit closer. We all came up with the plan of getting 011ie to let Chuck buy him a make-up chile relleno as an apology for the awkwardness on his date with Max. Gupfee was elected to call 011iver and, after a rough start, managed to convince him to let Chuck take him out for food on Sunday. Chuck was thrilled, although really nervous about the whole thing. We tried to convince her to just be herself and to not get too worked up over the whole thing. Hopefully it helped.

Gupfee ended up winning the Scrabble game. And despite the fact we said "what happens in girl scrabble stays in girl scrabble" doesn't mean that the people who weren't able to attend shouldn't see the chatlog (even if they are boys). Just please don't get us into trouble by telling Chuck we showed you, okay?

Instruction Packet

Johnny/Lugnut heard about the troubles everyone was having picking up their packages, so he contacted Kinko's to get everything straightened out. § Once that was done, everyone else seemed to have no problem picking up their packages at Kinko's.

It turns out that Johnny/Lugnut found six documents that Pastor Ned was trying to send out to his 36 disciples. Instead, Johnny sent them to us, although it will just be a matter of time before Ludd resends them to the 36. What's odd is that Johnny talks about 6 pages, but we only know of 5 people receiving packages. Either he didn't send the sixth page, or there is someone out there who's not sharing with the group. §

The six documents are an instruction manual for the day of Robot Reprogramming. It gives the members of the 36 an overview of their mission, the date when they have to complete their tasks by (July 13th), where to find the substations, and the password to the input device at the substations (5338). The missing sixth page will tell the 36 where to find the input device at each substation. §

Page 1 of 6 - Received by PostLarval
The image is a large text block spaced so that it forms the word GOD. The text block repeats, so you really just need to look at the letters forming the G.
                   NSORCPEH
        KOFWEGLDUOUFLUIVJWVIWSRSVOB
    WNWVVOFQSWGFHZVHOBVZFXIHLUBBUIZOZ
   OIOUXMIUFWNHRSONKFHGZPEJLYWRTCIGKRXZGL
  FHKTUUAWNSVOBIAZJXWSYCIXCEUHNOBGECXNOYK
 VHGFGSSSXSDIVDHCXZH     KKUUKOWJOBUTUKDUUU
UGAPOBJCVHTFRHCWY          KKUOUKKLXSGOBWUHK
KUUORZOZOXWVKISGU          DOBVZVXSOQOHBGBGJ
SVZFREIVGZOHIWORRT          HLTHHTRWUOORCZZVD
ZHRNOSVSQCSZOZOAG            HZVHOBWKFFUBQKQW
KRJXWGZCGKGWXCBG            ZOXCEUHVUBRAFRCBJ
RCUOCXYRDECIXSSXCJ           XOPSWQMHKKFHGFHII
UXSQZZBYIEYHDZWRT            GDRZRBSUZVHCCURRE
EHKKRDECIXSSXCJXOP            SWQMHKOFWEGLDCIZ
VHYSVAPVZOWOCQYKL
RZQKSGZCEKOFZWYGH
HJIVOBJGQRJSSXCYOR
HJWQZVHYSGUQXSSQZ         GHTHHXSGOBWUWQVIWJSY
OQHYQRTHDOBHJWQZV        HYIEYHDZWRTG.WNSVKOUK
MRAFLTGWXIFZWRTG       SGUHZKRICQZOLTGVVSFOOOO
BVZFXIHLUBVLCUUBHU      TBUIWNOWECXGFHCSOICPKH
RXSDJHRHSEKHWKFSX       SSGFHJTRXHKKUOUFLUIVJO
BUTUKDUUUUGAPOBJV           OJKHKXSHICQZOLTGDY
WPVZHVICFZHZCJOJHE            CXZVHJOWKWQPIOEH
KGHBUIZOZOTSHJHRGQ              WOJDZSWNSWNWUZ
MVOLVAPVZOWOCQYPB             VOJKTRAFZOZONWQZ
OWNCZZCIOBGZVHRCFG           HLUBRLHKKGXHGWGHL
 UBVVOJKTLBSFUBWGW          QYHKKQOASVTSFKGVGF
  BZCIOBGZVHLCXXRLMW        WVOVYQRJSBUIZOZOTS
   HJHRKBWKFLTHRZVHOBSAHGKJLISVGBGVOJKGLDQRTHD
    OBVZVHQSBZCDRZRLHKOGZNSUKSAGQWRMWUTLTRW
    NSLTDXZRHBWFKCQISBUIGOGFUJHXOVAPVZOWOCQ
          MCRJZXIYPERLYQLVZHYKHCWOROORP
                HYOYKRYKFBYCRT
The text is a Vigenère cipher with the keyword of 'GOD'. I've added spaces and punctuation to the decode to make it easier to read.
Hello my Thirty-Six glorious disciples. In this packet are the instruction you will carry forth to make real my vision of a world free from the sinful grips of robot kind. You have heard me preach about the great day of reprogramming when robots who are wired in to the grid will rise up against humanity and destroy us all. But I don't intend to allow that to happen. We will use the inter-connected grid to destroy all robots on our own glorious day of reprogramming. There are currently substations all over the world. By the day of reprogramming thirty-six of these substations will need to be activated using a code provided in these documents entered into input devices contained in the substations. These are your instructions:

Page Two contains special instructions for one of you that you are welcome to read to be better prepared for the glorious day of reprogramming.
Page Three contains a simple puzzle to give you the date in July that you will need to activate the thirty-six substations by.
Page Four will hint at how to find the location of the substations.
Page Five contains the clues necessary to find the four digit passcode you will need to enter into the input devices.
And Page Six contains the key to all of this: Where exactly to find the input device once you discover a substation.

Good luck my disciples. We will all be saved very soon.

Page 2 of 6 - Received by me
Shredded letter addressed to Carol Coldoil.

My dear friend Mr. Coldoil -

Enclosed In this picket is instructions for my 36 disciples to carry 
out on the day of reprogramming. I wanted to firstly thank you for
all you've done thus far. Without you, my vision would be nowhere
near as close as it is today. In just a few short weeks, if everything
goes according to plan, you will have helped me and my disciples
eradicate all of robot kind and their filthy evil ways. Your plan to
access their mainframes using the 36 characteristics was very cun-
ning, but do you see now how the treacherous robots use the power
of Satan to see right through our Devine Will? I know you have
supported my vision from the onset, and I know I am paying you a
princely sum for your allegiance to God, but do you now see how
Satan infects the memory of all robots? Regardless, we are forced to
move on to "plan B" at this point. You're role has changed slightly
since we began. We are going to manually override the robots' sys-
tems using my 36 secret hidden substations, which will be the work
of my 36 disciples. Your task, since you have become to adept at it,
is to distract the robots until I can fulfill the plan set forth in the
prophecies. Keep up your charade, tell them you are going to hot
an event for them, maybe a speed dating game or something, keep
them distracted, let them forget that D.I.C.S and it's disciples even
exist. Then, on the glorious Day of Reprogramming, we will pull
the rugs right out from underneath them. Robot sympathizers will
cry out on that wonderful day as their devil machines begin to go
offline around them, but someday when the Rapture comes, they 
will all thank us for what we did.

Go with God,

Pastor Ned Ludd
Devotional Indiana Community Service

Page 3 of 6 - Received by Jain
A paradox probability puzzle.
A girl Robot and a Boy Robot
fall in love and get married.
They have to kid robots
(or what ever are called)
one of them is a girl Robot
Given the probability of
each gender is 1/2. What is
the probability that the
other kid is also a girl robot?

There was quite a bit of discussion on how to interpret the puzzle on the forums. I tend to agree that the wording suggests a value of 1/3 which should give us the date July 13 (a Monday) as to when the devices need to be activated by. This will give the members of the 36 both that Saturday and Sunday to complete their missions, instead of trying to figure out by what time on Sunday they need to have things completed.

Page 4 of 6 - Received by DirtDiver
We do not have a picture of DirtDiver's printout. This is the solve that ineffable related to us:
Doth
come
one
36
sub
station
Not completely sure as to how this gives us the locations of the substations. Maybe it's talking about there will be one substation per member of the 36?

Page 5 of 6 - Received by Lysithea
Printout of a medal from the 1960 Olympics in Rome.

The added words "ENTRY HOMO" seem to be asking "How many humans were entered in the games?" Wikipedia says there were 5,338 athletes (4,727 men, 611 women), so the code is probably 5338. Unless Pastor Ned was looking for just the number of men, which would then make the code 4727.

So Pastor Ned's plan is supposed to go off on July 13th? That is way before the Robot Speed Dating on the 17th. How am I supposed to meet the robot of my dreams if they are all reprogrammed before then?! We seriously need to stop Pastor Ned from carrying out his mission. It's a good thing there are so many double agents in the ranks of the 36. :)

Max Says Goodbye

Ever since the burrito date, we were wondering if Max and 011ie would go on a third date - this time without Chuck and Glen. Unfortunately for 011ie, Max wasn't returning any of his calls. It turns out Max was having phone issues and missed all of 011ie's calls. So instead, she made a video explaining her reasons for breaking up with 011ie. It's sad for 011ie, but at the same time probably a good thing. Max wouldn't have been happy with him, and Chuck really would have been hurt if Max and 011ie kept dating. §

Hi Internet. There've been some rumors going around about me lately. About why I broke up with 011iver last weekend.

The Breakup??

So, I'd just like to take a minute to clear them up. You see, how should I put this? 011iver's not the first robot I've ever dated.

older gentleman robo-date, circa 2004

And, after two dates, I saw some patterns start to emerge that were frankly troubling. For one, his friends would never leave us alone. They tried to tag around everywhere. And I've had this problem with robots in the past. Like my first robot boyfriend in high school. His inventors wouldn't leave us alone for a minute. They even came to the prom with us. They were hovering so much we never even got to first base. They wouldn't give him enough space. Fifty gigabytes was just not enough.

And, I hate to say it, but robots are just not that good in bed. They can never get away from the rules. You know, the Rules of Robotics by Isaac Asimov. Like the First Rule. It sounds great. "Robots can't do any harm to humans." But it takes all the good stuff off the table. No biting. No scratching. No hair pulling. No waterboarding. No spanking. And then the Second Rule that "Robots have to obey orders from humans" means that they just sit there and do whatever I tell them to. There's no spontaneity. But then the Third Rule says "Robots are only in it for themselves," so none of them even cared about pleasing me.

And you know what? You can't tell who's carrying textually transmitted viruses these days. I've had some friends who have had to take the Norton Antivirals and their systems were reuploading for weeks.

But here's the real problem. Even in the 21st Century, some people still can't except a human dating a robot. It's not even legal in Alabama and Mississippi. And that's what tore apart me and Jack. I really thought he was the one. We used to spend our days trying to prove Fermat's Last Theorem and playing video games. And then at night, I'd program him to look for undiscovered prime numbers. But, even after three years, his mom could never accept me. "She's so human." We tried to work it out, but he just got so distant and uncommunicative.

*sobbing* How could you do this to me? It's not fair!

When he left me for a real robot, I vowed never to date another machine. 011iver was so sweet and charming though. I thought he might be different. But, pretty soon, the writing on the wall became clear. His friends were always around. He was taking all his orders from Tim. And when we would go out, we just got the worst looks from all the bigots. I couldn't bear to have my heart broken again so I had to end it. But I wanted to explain this all to 011iver directly. But my iPhone gets jealous when I hang out with other computers too much so it's been blocking all of my robocalls.

So 011iver, if you're watching this, I'm sorry. I never wanted it to end this way but I really do think it's for the best. I hope you understand.

Luddcast #3

Another new podcast from on the road with Pastor Ned! The description says that the podcast why it is abomination to lie with robotkind, but to me it seems more like Pastor Ned bitching about his brother-in-law. This podcast did however enlighten me to the fact that Jesus and Satan were conjoined twins - and that is why you cannot call Satan stupid. Because that would make Jesus stupid. And that's just silly. §

On this weeks episode, Pastor Ned Ludd ponders why it is wrong to lie with robot kind.

Good afternoon everybody. This is Pastor Ned Ludd. I'm once again on the road and I had a few things that occurred to me and I wanted to make sure and recorded them safely on my portable device powered by human leg power.

Now, now. Many people come to me and they say why? Why Pastor Ludd is it abomination to lie with robotkind? Now I say, well, I think it's fairly obvious to you that you cannot lie with robotkind. I think that is a fair assessment that that would be an abomination. But why Pastor Ludd is it abomination to lie with robotkind? Why I just told you that.

In any case. Do you think Satan is stupid? I want you to say to yourself with me. When I say it, then you say it to yourself. Okay? Why do you think Satan is stupid. Do I? Do I think he is stupid? Because when Satan was split at the leg from Jesus and became the darkness and the lightness were divided. It was at that time that you must realize that if you are saying that Satan is a stupid being, a stupid spirit, then you're also saying that Jesus is. Because it was his brother. And they were connected at the leg.

And that's how we know that Satan is smart. And what better way to get close to humankind then to have a soft cuddly toy that will move and simulate automatic human reactions? And also speak to you using your name or your nieces name. Also, then once you've achieved this closeness, then once you have ached this closeness what better way to be close enough to your enemy and then strike him down? You see what I'm saying? And that's clever, okay?

Now let's, let's, let's put this in some kind of perspective you can understand. If a robber breaks down your door and come flying into your house to steal all of your possession, then obviously if you are sitting on the couch when this happens, you're going to notice this and try to prevent it. However, if it is say your brother-in-law who you trusted with everything, and who had a key to your house, perhaps. And you shared all your beverages with him freely. And he would open your refrigerator and take out anything he wanted. And also you gave him a loan for $2500 that he has never repaid. Anyway, so if you're very close with this to your fishing buddy who used to know your sister before you did. In any case, so if this person is your enemy, okay? He's close to you. You don't suspect what it, what is close to you to be what is going to be your undoing. You see? So that is when you know that Satan is a clever animal who will try anything to. And that is why the robot reconfiguration day is so insipious and right in your face so that you don see it. Okay?

alright. I just want to clarify that point. I gonna to drive it home at the retreat this weekend. We're having a little kids retreat and also Taekwondo workout. So we will see you at church. At the Devotional Indiana Community Service church in Valparaiso, Indiana. I am Pastor Ned Ludd.

Pastor Ned has uploaded a new video from member Rockfish/Lysithea protesting at the Electronics Grid Systems. Poor Rockfish - blind as a bat in her 36 outfit. We still haven't gotten any more profiles of the 36 given to us, although there have been more and more people reporting in that they have been accepted into the ranks of the 36. So, if you still want to join up with Pastor Ned, do it soon. Not only is time running out, but so are spaces.

Bad Vibrations

So Sunday was the day when Chuck and 011ie were supposed to go out and have chile rellenos. Except that 011ie somehow forgot and scheduled a date with Cassie, a being of pure energy, instead. Because Tim was too sick to film, Chuck went along to film the date. Luckily for her, 011ie and Cassie did not hit it off at all. §

011iver: Tim. Tim. Tim. Tiiiiiiiiiiiimmm.

Tim: Mmm?

011iver: Wake up.

Tim: Come on.

011iver: Wake up. You have to film.

Tim: I'm not filming anything.

011iver: What's the matter?

Tim: *coughs*

011iver: You all right?

Tim: That's my lung.

011iver: Oh gross.

Tim: You tell me. I just swallowed it.

011iver: Are you sick?

Tim: Ummm *nods*

011iver: We have a date. I have a date. You have to film it.

Tim: *shakes head*

011iver: We're not filming this week?

Tim: Not this week. No. I'm skipping this week.

Chuck: Hey guys. What's wrong with him?

Tim: Chuck.

011iver: Hey Chuck.

Tim: Sick.

011iver: What are you doing here?

Chuck: So, what do you mean what am I doing here?

Tim: I coughed up some lung.

011iver: I have a date.

Chuck: Thanks for sharing.

011iver: I have a date.

Chuck: I... we had a friendly lunch date. I was gonna get you a chile relleno.

011iver: Oh shit. I have a date with someone in like 20 minutes. She's on her way.

Chuck: Like a date date.

011iver: Yeah. Are those cookies?

Chuck: These are just for me for later.

011iver: Oh. Well, Tim's too sick to film.

Tim: You two should bro it up. You should shoot this one.

Chuck: Why not.

011iver: You wouldn't mind. You wouldn't mind that, right?

Chuck: No, I wouldn't mind at all.

*Must Love Robots*

Chuck: So, this is where you're supposed to meet her?

011iver: Yep.

Chuck: Cool, cool. Umm, so who's your date?

011iver: Her name's Cassie. She's a being of pure energy.

Chuck: Wow.

011iver: Yeah. I'm pretty excited. I've never been on a date with a being of pure energy.

Chuck: Yeah, me neither.

011iver: Now we both have. 'Cause your filming.

Chuck: Ah, yeah. 011iver, I don't want to be on camera. No. Stop it. I do not want to be on camera. I'm sweaty and gross, okay?

011iver: So?

Chuck: Got it? I just stabbed myself in the nose with my fan. Get away from me.

011iver: Cassie?

Cassie: 011iver?

011iver: Hi.

Cassie: Hi.

011iver: I'm 011iver.

Cassie: Yeah.

011iver: This is Chuck.

Chuck: Hi. How are you?

Cassie: Hi, I'm good, good.

011iver: She's a friend. Tim is sick, so he can't film.

Chuck: Yeah, don't mind me. I'm just camera woman today.

Cassie: Okay. Hi.

Chuck: Hi. I've never met a being of pure energy before.

Cassie: Well, here I am.

Chuck: 011ie, oops! You okay, man?

011iver: You like birds?

Cassie: Uh...

011iver: Watch this. Watch.

Chuck: 011iver. You're not gonna chase the pigeon, are you?

Cassie: Are you gonna eat that bird?

Chuck: I guess he got hungry.

Cassie: 011iver!

Chuck: You gave it your best.

011iver: That's pretty cool, right though?

Cassie: I feel like it was a little bit aggressive.

011iver: Impressive?

Cassie: A-aggressive. Aggressive.

*music playing*

011iver: Hey, hotdogs. You want a hotdog? I think I'm gonna get a hotdog. Or like ten.

Cassie: Ten hotdogs?

011iver: Yeah. You like hotdogs?

Cassie: Not really, no. I don't know if you should be eating ten hotdogs. I mean..

011iver: What do you mean?

Cassie: You're a little bit... you're a little bit boxy. Your chin is starting to show. You should pry stick to a salad or a smoothie. It's a much better energy to put into your body.

Chuck: You know what, 011ie? I could go for some hotdogs.

011iver: No, that's alright. I don't think I want any hotdogs.

Chuck: Okay.

011iver: I'm just gonna get a smoothie. That looks pretty good.

Cassie: Nice shoes.

Chuck: Uh, thanks.

Cassie: Why'd you pick that color?

Chuck: It sorta goes with everything.

Cassie: Really?

Chuck: Yeah.

Cassie: I don't feel like it has a very positive vibe as a color. It's not sending out...

Chuck: It's grey.

Cassie: ...you know, good aura. I don't pick my shoes. They just get beamed in. So they're always positive and...

Chuck: Yeah, that's really special. I'm happy for you.

Cassie: Thanks. Thanks. Thanks.

011iver: Hey.

Chuck: Hey 011ie. Thank God.

011iver: Here's the Snapple you wanted.

Cassie: Oh, this is diet.

011iver: Yeah.

Chuck: Is that bad vibes or something?

Cassie: Well, yeah.

011iver: So, uh, here's where I live. My apartment. I don't know what else to do. We could go up and you could meet my roommate and see it, I guess. Is that...

Cassie: Okay. Uh huh, okay.

011iver: That's just garbage.

Cassie: Oh. Right. Just garbage. That's right.

011iver: This is it. Huh? New York living. That's my roommate, Tim.

Cassie: Oh.

Tim: Hi. I took like eight Nyquil.

Cassie: Wow.

Tim: You look like, you look like a lightbulb.

Cassie: Uh, thank, thank you.

Chuck: It's a compliment.

Tim: Hey, you should let me shoot. I'm a professional. Gimme the camera. Gimme the camera.

Cassie: Wow.

011iver: Do you want to sit down?

Cassie: No.

011iver: No?

Cassie: No, I don't. Nope. I'm... I'm gonna go.

011iver: Oh.

Cassie: Yeah.

011iver: Okay. Well. That was terrible.

Chuck: You know, 011ie, the offer's still good on that chile relleno. You hungry?

011iver: Yeah.

Tim: Hey, what happened to the lightbulb?

011iver: She left. She left, Tim.

Chuck: Come on. Let's go.

011iver: See ya, buddy.

Because Tim was left behind to sleep of his Nyquil haze, no one filmed Chuck and 011ie at the chile relleno "date" so we don't really know what happened. Chuck just tells us that she and 011ie talked and that it was "nice" so it must have went pretty well.

Pastor Ned on Twitter

Due to DirtDiver having some serious issues at work, it took a few days for him to provide us with a picture of his printout to see if we could figure out if we were missing anything. As it turns out, we were missing two key bits that would allow us to solve the puzzle. § So Pastor Ned has been twittering at twitter.com/36substations. He only has three tweets so far, but they seem to be giving us clues as to where the substations are. Now we just have to figure out what he means.

Like oceans of water, like skies full of air. These ubiquitous stations are everywhere.

Austria's hills were filled with sound, the year our stations first broke ground.

For many years, running tabs made things gratis, but now the sub-stations hide our apparatus

The second clue is the most promising one we have. It's obviously referring to the Sound of Music in some capacity. There are a few years it could be hinting at:

1939 - The year the events are set in
1956 - The year the movie The Trapp Family debuted
1959 - The year the play debuted
1965 - The year the movie debuted

With the other hints, it's possible that Pastor Ned is talking about radio or television stations. They are everywhere and have been free to listen/watch since their introduction. Although both radio and television were established in the United States before 1939, Austria didn't introduce television until 1956. But this is pretty much just a guess until we either get some more hints from Pastor Ned or we find the missing sixth page.

Gospel #6

Pastor Ned is getting quite anxious that all of the 36 haven't checked in yet with their bios and photos. He's also been od'ing on marzipan if his emails are any indiction. But in Gospel #6 he shows us what his outfit looks like. He also demonstrates some 'Taekwondo' moves that he uses to take out the robots. If those are his best moves, I'm pretty sure 011ie could take him out like he took out Tim with his dance move. §

*laughs* I always wanted to do that. Looking like I'm floating up. Like Jesus coming up back from the dead, right? I'm coming down elevator. *laughs* I love that joke.

All right. This is for my 36. Seriously, there's a time for fun and there's now. I too have been having some trouble trying to put together my warrior's outfit. My holy warrior's outfit and I have found this which has some of the oranges and browns. But I've also found this pair of brown corduroy pants which I intend to wear although the weather right now is not "congestive" to that. So that should be good.

But I understand you having a difficulty trying to get dressed for this occasion. As it is a great, a great moment in history. Now I understand. That's okay. But we don't have time. We don't have time to really worry about the details anymore. So what I'm going to ask you to do is to get some oranges and browns and get some pictures and send them up. We've got to get the 36 counted. And it's gonna be important to identify you.

So I have found some very, some kids left some Halloween things here. I've got these, like, be like scary orange sorts of... I'm not... Maybe a mustache. Scary orange mustache guy. Or also I've found these. Come on, robot. Ew, there's something in there. I've got to clean that. But I am more inclined to do the traditional kind of scary, you know, bandit look like the Lone Ranger. Everybody's scared of the Lone Ranger when he came. I've got these from a "potty" we went to. Yeah, see? Now that is a little bit more intimidation and so I think if I added a nice orange hat. Then I also feel sorta like a robber. I feel more like I blend in to the natural surroundings. I have an alternative hat which I think is excellent but it is red. And I had to cut out a hole for my nose. But it has the shield which is protective for your eyewear. See? And also I can still "reath" out of my mouth down here. But it kinda fogs up and also ow. Ow. OW! Ow. OW! Oww. OWW! Is there blood up in there? Ow!

Yeah, I'm not gonna wear that. All right. So I'm gonna stick with my robber hat. This is it, okay? It doesn't have to be so fancy. And put something like 1 of the 36 on there. All right? So don't go nuts trying to put all together something really, you know, with lots of sequins. Except of course I've got some. But you know I am Pastor Ned Ludd.

Some people have also asked me. I can think of a few other things that I'm going to accompany into my. Some of you have special skills. And that's excellent. Some of you are scholars and that's helpful. And proofreading is good. Also, I think it's great that someone can ride a unicycle. And I also love people who can play musical instruments. I have also tried to play musical instruments. But I'm not talented enough to want to use those as a weapon.

But, what I did come up with, my most excellent achievement, I think, is. I don't know if you can see this here. I'll back up a little bit. See? See how that looks. Now, why is this confusing to a robot? Huh? Anybody? Any questions? I mean, any answers? Okay, well you watch carefully because I am gonna confuse your robot. Just pretend you're a robot, okay? You walking up to me and what's this guy doing? And I be like "Hey, I think I found a box full of your parts." And then, all of a sudden, what happens? BAAAM! See? See how that happened? Let's try that again. Cause this is really something else. All right. Okay. *laughs* Okay, so one, two, three, BAAAM! Okay? That's pretty actually kind of neat. Oh, no wait. I used to try to do magic tricks, so I bought this. Ladies and gentlemen, what's going on? Oh my goodness! Ugh! BAAAM! *laughs* Okay. Well, anyway, kids like that one. Sometimes at Sunday School I use that for a lesson about Goliath.

All right. Most importantly though, one of my, oh sorry, one of my, one of my disciples has asked me if I can demonstrate some Taekwondo moves that would be beneficial. My primary weapon as one of the 36 will be their own data distribution means. This is a, I don't know, 20 foot extension cord. Grounded. Exterior/interior. Very excellent. But, what I'm going to demonstrate to you is my own Taekwondo move where I will take them out with a single swipe of the WHACK! BAM! WHACK! BAM! WHACK! Damn. Maybe a little more duct tape on there because I'll try this. I could also use this to get up around them and do a twisty move, a twisty loop and a then TWACK! Like that. See? Now it's also confusing because I can just wear it as a necklace and then whoop...whoop...WHACK! It looks like it goes through your neck, see that? And that confuses them. Yeah, so some of my best Taekwondo moves for disabling a robot is this. There.

BAM! WHACK! BAM-BAM! WHACK! WHACK! OW! BAM-BAM! WHACK! And then TWACK! BAM-BAM! OW! BAM-BAM!

So, I hope that has helped everyone.

Must Love Humans

Chuck, and the rest of us, have quietly been trying to sell 011iver on the benefits of humans so that he can see that maybe he's being stupid for not wanting to date a human. Chuck even posted a blog entry highlighting the good points of humans (and ones she just so happens to possess herself). So, if you have any ideas as to why robots (011iver) should date humans (Chuck) - make sure you leave a comment. Maybe 011iver will even read them.

July 4th

Since robots also celebrate Independence Day, Tim and 011ie took off to the wilds of Connecticut to do some camping. Yeah, not how I thought they would end up spending the weekend. The good news is, neither one of them was eaten by a bear. The bad news is, it seems that on Friday, 011ie received the sixth page that Johnny/Lugnut had sent out. But he left to go camping before he posted it. So now we have to wait - both for the sixth page and for Tim's video of their camping trip. It's like they don't even care that the wait drives us bonkers. Bastiages.

Robot vs Wild

So the video of 011ie and Tim in the woods is about as you expect. It starts off with Tim crying and ends with 011iver wanting to vomit. In the middle there's some footage of wildlife and Tim and 011ie trying to find food. Remind me never to invite either one of them along on a camping trip unless the camping involves making a furniture fort in a hotel room or something similar. §

Tim: *whimpering noises* 011iver, where are you? This isn't funny. Aaahh! I don't like it when we play Bigfoot.

*

011iver: You know what sucks?

Tim: What sucks?

011iver: Walking around in the woods in flip flops.

Tim: Yeah well, maybe that was poor planning, dude. I told you we were going to go on a wilderness expedition.

011iver: I just assumed you meant like a, like a Marriott in Connecticut somewhere. This is the woods!

Tim: You can view the highway.

011iver: Well. What are you doing?

Tim: Looking for roots and tubers. Edible. I think I found a tuber.

011iver: That's not a tuber!

Tim: Oh, you're right. This is a stick.

011iver: This looks like a really good place to bury a body.

Tim: You can tell that it's very dangerous out here. There's lots of wildlife.

011iver: That's a dog.

Tim: That's a beast! Hey dude, guess who I am? "I'm gonna come kill you!"

011iver: I don't know. This would be a really good place to bury a body.

Tim: I suppose so.

011iver: No one would find you for years... err, the body. Hey, tell me again what that's called?

Tim: What's that?

011iver: What's that called?

Tim: Well, it's a little bit mixture. It's like a mixed martial arts cause it's like half, half Taekwondo and then half kung fu. And with this stick it's sorta a little bit more of a... I don't want to say jujit-jujitsu. Arrrgghh!

011iver: Look, you can fashion this into a spear, you could hide in a tree, and when a boar comes, like in Rambo you jump down on it and you get the boar. Does it look like I'm climbing it?

Tim: Yeah. Totally, dude. You look, you look awesome.

011iver: Now do I look like Rambo? Like if you were a boar, and I just threw this down like GAH! Is that good? Oh wait.

Tim: If I was a boar, I'd be terrified.

011iver: All right. I think I'm better at this outdoors than you are.

Tim: I don't know. I wouldn't say that.

011iver: You know, from up here, there's a lot of good places to bury a body. Shouldn't we be like in the City asking girls on dates?

Tim: Well, no, sometimes you need to like, you know, take some time off from the ladies, dude. We're just like two dudes duding it up.

011iver: Ba da na na na na na na na. It's dueling, then you do it.

Tim: Dah dun dun dun dun dun dun dunnn.

011iver: Nevermind. Nevermind. You ruined it.

Tim: You need, you need to learn to be an outdoors bot.

011iver: Like Bear Grylls?

Tim: Yeah, like Bear Grylls. Robot vs Wild.

011iver: I mean, I understand that a little, but this is like Connecticut.

Tim: What are you talking about? This is like, this is the... the... we're roughing it, okay?

011iver: Roughing it?

Tim: Yeah, look. Like there's... there's wilderness all around us. There's like you know, trees and there's like...

011iver: You see that house over there?

Tim: ...there's that lake.

011iver: See that house over there? That's where Whoopi Goldberg lives.

Tim: Is that's Whoopi Goldberg's house?

011iver: Yeah, and the one behind it, that big one? That's where Alec Baldwin lives.

Tim: Damn.

011iver: Well, it's their summer homes, you know.

Tim: Oh.

011iver: On the lake.

Tim: Well, they're just roughing it too.

011iver: Yeah? Well, you mean you got any tips? How do you catch game and stuff?

Tim: Oh, well you put, you put a rock. You lean a rock up like this.

011iver: You know what you should say...

Tim: On a stick. And then...

011iver: Is "Yeah, let me show you." and then we can go do it.

Tim: So to make a successful trap, what you need is a rock. A big rock and a stick. That's all you really need. And you set it up. Put the stick in the ground.

011iver: Okay.

Tim: And you lean the rock on top of it. Okay? And then you put a piece of bait in there, and then all of a sudden, when the animal comes, it'll knock it over.

*car passes*

011iver: Doesn't it seem like this would work better if we weren't right next to a highway?

Tim: Animals traffic highways all the time.

011iver: Do they?

*car passes*

011iver: I don't know that that's accurate. Seems like a lot of cars.

Tim: It scares... the cars scare the animal into the trap.

011iver: Okay.

*car passes*

Tim: Hey, you wanna go out in a boat or go swimming or anything?

011iver: I don't think so. I'll rust.

Tim: You'll rust?

011iver: Hey, lemme see the camera.

*splash*

011iver: How's the water?

Tim: You know, I have a swimsuit. You could have just waited. So I've totally been getting some awesome shots here, buddy.

011iver: Oh yeah?

Tim: Like I'm, yeah, I'm getting the water and I'm getting the trees.

011iver: You getting all those bugs?

Tim: This is, this is, I'm gonna be honest, I'm gonna say that this is National Geographic quality.

011iver: Are you getting all those bugs?

Tim: Yeah.

011iver: Did you see all the fucking bugs up in this city. State. Wherever we are.

Tim: You can't...

011iver: It's hot too!

Tim: ...swear on National Geographic. They don't like that. You can show boobies, but you can't swear.

011iver: It's hot. I just want to go back to town.

Tim: So, how have you been feeling?

011iver: Hot.

Tim: Yeah, you like it out here? We've been... Right up here dude. Fisties back. Give that. Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. A little knuck action. Knuck. So, what's the deal with Chuck? You even notice that she's been acting totally weird recently?

011iver: No. What do you mean?

Tim: Well, like, you know. I don't know. See, I have feelings...

011iver: Her interrupting the date?

Tim: Well yeah, but I have feelings that she has feelings. And do you have feelings?

011iver: You have feelings for Chuck?

Tim: No. No, see, do you understand what I mean when I say feelings?

011iver: You have feelings for Chuck.

Tim: No, I don't have feelings for Chuck.

011iver: Then, good.

Tim: I'm saying do you... okay, do you know what I mean when I say I have feelings, right?

011iver: No.

Tim: Okay, see feelings...

011iver: I mean understand what feelings are.

Tim: Okay, when a man. Let me break this down. Okay, so when a man and a woman.

011iver: No, i get it. I get that. I get that. I learned that.

Tim: Oh.

011iver: I don't know. Chuck's... she's being weird.

Tim: Okay, cause I have feelings that she has feelings that you might have feelings for her feelings with her feelings. And I'm not sure that both of your feelings are on the same feelings level. You know what I mean. Are you feeling me? Let me have another knuck.

011iver: No, I'm not understanding thing you're saying.

Tim: You're not even going to give me knuckles?

011iver: I think...

Tim: Good.

011iver: I think Chuck's feelings are her own feelings. She.. I don't know. They're great. Whatever. I don't know what you're talking about. We didn't come up here to talk about...

Tim: Feelings?

011iver: Chuck or girls or dating. We came up here to learn how to survive in the wilderness.

Tim: And drink lots of beer.

011iver: We came up here to drink a lot of beer. And watch some fireworks.

Tim: I just got attacked by a mosquito. I think there's blood like dripping out of my wrist. But I can't look because I'm holding a camera.

011iver: That's really gross.

Tim: Can you see it?

011iver: *throwing up noises* Stop it.

I don't think 011iver is really happy to be roughing it in Connecticut. It's probably a good thing they only spent the weekend there, because any longer and Tim's body might really have been buried in the woods. Or drowned in the lake. Or stabbed with a spear and eaten.

When Tim put the video up on MLR, he also said that he wasn't going to be around this next weekend. That he had "some super important business to attend to in another state, so expect another video from Chuck and 011iver." Anyone else think it's a bit suspicious that Tim is going out of town the exact weekend that Pastor Ned and the 36 are supposed to carry out their mission? And you could even say that EvilTim showed up in the video in a couple of places. The first when he's telling 011ie "Guess who I am? 'I'm gonna come kill you!'" Is he channeling Pastor Ned or himself there? And his mixed martial art skills of Taekwondo and kung fu look a lot like what Pastor Ned teaches - basically just flailing your arms about. Sadly, still nothing concrete that we can warn 011ie about, but it's still something to think about.

More Substation Clues

We also got two new twitter clues from Pastor Ned and the scan of the sixth page from 011iver today.

the substations true face in growing clear, one of its founders is named for a deer.

our central hub is in 203, but the substations themselves are all over, you see

The deer clue seems rather unhelpful in order to actually find what we're looking for. But it should be a good confirmation clue if we can figure out the rest of the clues. The 203 clue might be an area code - it's based in southwestern Connecticut. Or maybe it refers to just the prefix of a telephone number. So you could have [Your Area Code] 203-[5338]. I dunno. I think we need more clues. Or figure out the meaning of the sixth page.

The Sixth Page

011iver finally managed to get a scan of the sixth page to us. It's an odd graphic with Pastor Ned's trademarked misspelled instructions. § The folding seems to be a pretty obvious clue. Although there are actual fold marks on the paper, it seems that those were put there by 011iver, if Tim is to be believed that is. Dante folded the paper so that the dark areas with the numbers lined up. If you do that, it looks like a soda dispenser - notice the spouts underneath the numbers and the cup below the 1. So Pastor Ned's input device is a soda fountain? I have to admit, I did not see that one coming.

Substation Locations

Based on the Twitter clues and the soda fountain input device, dante started Googling for fast food restaurants based in Connecticut. And what do you know - he found one: Subway. It was founded by Peter Buck in 1965 and are headquartered in Milford, CT. And not too long after that revelation was posted in Unfiction, we got a final Tweet from Pastor Ned that completely confirmed our guess.

my final riddle is more opaque, for our stations, commercials Jared Fogle did make.

So I guess that means we have to go to Subway this weekend, order a drink and mix the 5th, 3rd, 3rd, and 8th beverages on the soda fountain to complete his plan. But what if we want to stop it?

I sent an email to Johnny/Lugnut on RFF with all of our findings, so hopefully he'll know what we should do if we want to stop Pastor Ned. I also tried signing up as one of the 36 but haven't heard back from Pastor Ned yet. Which is sad since he did update the Profiles page with several new 36 members. The Beaver is completely awesome. Sadly, there are only 7 total members pictured, so there's room for at least 29 other people to be a part of Pastor Ned's flock. It makes me sad that more people aren't willing to snap/photoshop a picture of themselves looking silly. There are even 18 people signed up for Robot Speed Dating (and 125 total members at RFF). Surely some of them could 'help out' Pastor Ned, couldn't they?

Final Instructions

Pastor Ned got tired of waiting for Johnny/Lugnut to send out the instructions, so he somehow managed to do it on his own. Luckily we had gotten the pages from Johnny because the PDF that Pastor Ned sent wasn't nearly as clear as it could have been. We would have had serious issues trying to figure out the first page puzzle since it's barely readable. His email is a bit ranty, but it does give us the final bit of instructions that we needed if we want to save robotkind instead of destroying it. §

HELLO MY 36!!!!

I HAVE HAD TO TAKE MATTERS INTO MY OWN HANDS AND I HAVE FIGURED OUT HIS SYSTEM OF LIES! SOMETHING AT THE CHURCH NETWORK IS WRONG AND I HAVE NOT HEARD BACK FROM JOHNNY. VERY FISHY. JUST WHEN MY INSTRUCTIONS WERE SUPPOSE TO GO OUT HE IS GONE...??? I AM SERIOUSLY SMELLING SOME METALLIC INTERFERENCE FROM HIM AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET SATAN SO CLOSE TO ME. NO TIME FOR CRYING IN MY STEW.

I AM EAMAILING THIS FROM THE LIBRARY AND FOUND MY PASSWORDS I HAD WRITTEN DOWN UNDER MY KEYBOARD JUST IN CASE AND I GOT INTO THIS ACCOUNT TO SEND YOU THE INSTRUCTIONS YOU SHOULD FIND THEM PAPERCLIPPED ON HERE. PLEASE TAKE ACTION IMMEDIATELY TO BREAK MY ANCIENT ENCRIPTIONS AND THEN PAY ATTENTION TO THE FOLLOWING VERY VERY CLEARLY

AS IS SOMETIMES THE CASE I DID NOT FULLY UNDERSTAND GODS WISDOM IN MY VISION EXACLY. SO THE DEVICES I THOUGHT WE NEEDED ARE ALREADY IN PLACE AND ARE HIDING IN PLAIN SITE! THE PORTAL TO CONTROLLING THE ELECTRONIC GRID SYSTEMS HAS BEEN IN FRONT OF US FOR YEARS. HOWEVER, IN ORDER TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN AND BACKTECH ALL THE SILICONE CHIPS ON THE PLANET AND MAKE THEM ALL INTO FROZEN TIN MEN IN THE FORESTS RUSTING WITH NO DOROTHY IS TO ENTER THE CODE IN EXACLY. YOUR MOST IMPORTANT CALLING AND THE ONE THING THAT YOu cannot fail in , is that you must enter the code in exacly into the input devices in order. And you all must do this without flaw. If any one of you makes a mistake or fails to do their mission, this will not work. ...and for GODS SAKE if you are going to make a mistake... well... JUST DONT. If that code accidentally gets entered in BACKWARDS, you will undo all the progress of the 36 and we may as well just put out a red carpet for the robosexuals at that point and invite them to dinner to kill us all!!!!!!!!!!

FURTHER... I NEED A CONfirmation image of yourself entering in the code so that I can keep track of the final results and be sure that we have done our mission. Be prepared to document. I will be doing the same. The days are numbered. Go Forth, Get DRessed and BE THE GREATNESS INSIDE OF YOU! YOu are CHOSEN!!!

Be stealthy, be quick, be acurrate. I will envision each step to that device as another dying robot, another decommissioned cube of metal falling to the ground in a clump, another deactivated device that could be used to turn against us as is their plan. THEY DONT SEE THIS COMING!!!!!! In their grand plan, they are still trying to snuggle up next to us and preparefor THEIR DAY, but we are going to throw a giant wrench into their doomsday and i wish i could see their little dimming eye LEDs as the last whir slows down to silence and a cough of smoke drifts out of their mouthholes. I wish i could see every stinking singl k some lady needs this computer

GO FORTH AND DESTROY THE ROBOMINATION!!!!!!
i will try to make an inspirational video for you, but not sure how to work all that stuff without johnny
PNL

So, if we want to destroy robotkind, we have to enter 5338 on the soda fountain. If we want to save robotkind, we enter the code backwards, so 8335. Either way, you will need to provide evidence of your entering the code. Video would probably be best, but I'm sure Pastor Ned would accept multiple photos of your mixing some odd drink at Subway. By the way, I'm not entirely sure what to do if the soda fountain doesn't have 8 different kinds of soda. I'm guessing you could just start renumbering from the beginning. If your intentions are there, it's probably okay. I don't see that there's an exact science to this since who would think that soda fountains would be the key to destroying all robots around the world.

The War Is On

Johnny wrote back to me and explained the history of the substations being located in Subways. Apparently there used to be 36 titans of industry who were afraid of a robot uprising and started placing substations all throughout the country so that if they ever needed to, they could enter the code no matter where they are. How Pastor Ned found out about this, Johnny/Lugnut doesn't say. But he does tell us that if we want to save robotkind, we need to enter the backwards code into 36 different Subways by the 12th, and to provide photographic evidence of us doing so. He's working on a site to keep track of who enters the backward code. So the war is on. Who will prevail? GHR or MLR? §

Viva La Robot Revolution!

Johnny has sent out a final bit of instructions to his five friends. He informs us that all of the substations are linked, and that if Pastor Ned's code is input into 36 different substations, it will release an EMP that will destroy every robot on the planet. But if we input the code backwards, the pulse will destroy the grid connecting the substations, freeing the robots from the threat of mass destruction. §

Johnny has set up a new website, VivaLaRobot.com to keep track of how many people have input the code to save the robots, or the code that destroys them. I sent my first video into Johnny's new email address: Johnny@vivalarobot.com and hopefully I can hit a couple more Subway's tomorrow to get video. I don't want 011iver or any of the rest of the robots to die. We must save them!

And the Winner Is...

...the Robots! Sorta. Team Viva La Robot managed to get more codes entered than the 36 did, so for now the robots are safe. Sadly, Viva La Robot did not manage to get the backwards code entered in 36 different Subways (I think we got 10 to Pastor Ned's 7) § so the threat still exists - especially since Carol Coldoil has fled. Johnny/Lugnut and RAM have taken over MBILF and RobotFriendFinder so we can still submit our roboporn pictures and try to find the robot of our dreams. And I guess this means that Robot Speed Dating is still on. Woo!

And in even happier news, Tim doesn't seem to be evil. Hooray! He posted video evidence showing how he entered the 8335 code. I do have to say his tweets before he left town were making me believe more and more that he was evil, but now I'm glad that 011ie never found out our/my theory. 011ie probably wouldn't have believed it anyway. He certainly didn't believe about the 36 destruction code. At least Chuck believed and made 011ie go with her to enter the code.

Continue to Page 5 >>

See the Intro page for a list of all the websites, plus brief information about this guide and the game.