There was one other important bit of information we needed to take out of Gospel #4. You may have noticed that Johnny snuck in a hint as to where his personal directory lies: http://godhatesrobots.org/johnny/personal Isn't that funny - his page seems an awful lot like the security page we just saw from Lugnut. And if you look at the comment in the source code, it sounds a lot like Lugnut as well.
The Vimeo video is passworded, so we need to figure that out. Johnny/Lugnut/whomever talks about hiding the link in the background. Except there's nothing hidden in bg.gif or rockem.gif. Taking another look at the source code, and you'll see that there is a third image referenced: sockem.gif. You just can't see it because the rockem.gif is on top of it.
Glad you found my message. Gotta work harder at covering my tracks, going to have to encrypt everything from here on out, don't want them to find me again, don't know what they'd do to me this time. I hid the link in the background. Trying to keep her out of this, but Ram is there to lend a hand if you need it. Good luck decyphering it... http://vimeo.com/5039048
Sockem.gif is the same Rock-em Sock-em robot image, except it has a huge bunch of text written over it. A huge bunch of encrypted text. This means that if we want to solve what's going on, we have to type the whole stupid thing out and hope there aren't too many screwy typos.
Luckily, the cipher text isn't as ugly as it looks. It's just a simple substitution, so running it through SCB Solver gets us the clear text quickly.
- Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition thats trouble.
- Some part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest.
- There is a single light of science, and to brighten it anywhere is to brighten it everywhere.
- I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
- A subtle thought that is in error may yet give rise to fruitful inquiry that can establish truths of great value.
- It is change, continuing change, inevitable change, that is the dominant factor in society today. No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be.
- The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.
- It's not so much what you have to learn if you accept weird theories, it's what you have to unlearn.
- And above all things never think that you're not good enough yourself. A man should never think that. My belief is that in life people will take you at your own reckoning.
- It has been my philosophy of life that difficulties vanish when faced boldly.
- The true delight is in the finding out rather than in the knowing.
- People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them.
- I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse.
- No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be.
- Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right.
- To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature, and it remains premature today.
- It seems to me that God is a convenient invention of the human mind.
- One, a robot may not injure a human being, or through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm; Two, a robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law; Three, a robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.
- It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.
The decode is a series of quotes, all by Isaac Asimov. Seems like Asimov should be the logical choice of password, but nope. As it was late by the time we got to this point, I went to bed, hoping for some insight while I slept. Which is how Tonamel snuck and solved it by encoding asimov with the simple substitution key.
Nun vs. Robots|
So Lugnut isn't dead after all! It turns out he found another server connected to the RFF mainframe and that server just happened to be God Hates Robots. This is why he was zapped by Coldoil, but not before Lugnut managed to upload his memory to the GHR server. And this is how Lugnut became Johnny - the 'person' that runs Pastor Ned's website. Now we know why Pastor Ned has never physically met Johnny. I bet he'd be pretty surprised if he found out his site was being run by a bot that used to run MBILF and RFF.
It's me, Lugnut. I managed to upload most of my memory to a server connected to the RFF mainframe... Turns out, it led to the God Hates Robots servers. That was the big secret I had, the secret that cost me my body, and nearly my life. Turns out RFF and GHR are connected. I'm not sure how exactly yet, but I'm glad to know that some of you are on my side. Ludd doesn't know that I downloaded myself into the bot that runs his server yet, with any luck he'll never figure it out. Guess my name is Johnny now. Gotta stay on the down-low for now, but I am going to start an account for old Johnny boy on RFF, pretending to be an AI looking for some love. If any of you want to contact me, send me a message there.
I want to make certain that you are all on my side this time, I have no idea how that idiot Coldoil found me out last time. As soon as I create it, send me a message on RFF with your mailing address, I'll send out further instructions in the mail to the first 5 people who's addresses I receive. Viva La Robot Revolution!
-Johnny (aka Lugnut)
Anyways, Johnny has decided to join RFF to keep a closer eye on Coldoil and to keep in touch with all of us. He even want to send some of us further instructions if we give him our mailing address on RFF. Only the first 5 people though, so if you haven't already contacted him, it's probably too late.
Oh, and the video Pastor Ned doesn't want us to see? It's a video of him playing with wind-up Nun and Robot toys. The nun is kicking the robot's asses. I love the little sounds that he makes as the robots fall over. He's so funny. I'm not really sure if wind-up toys count as robots, but maybe they do. Certainly it isn't as damning as it could have been if say the robots beat the nun.
*laughing* What else you got? The power and sanctity of Jesus Christ. Oh yay! Get you out of the way. Come on, what else you got? Rawr! Abomination! Not people! Oh back it up! Oh, what you got? You can't take it . Rawr! Yeah, check it out. That's right.
Talking with Johnny|
PostLarval followed the directions that Johnny gave and friended him on RFF. Johnny sent back a message telling us how Ram is now helping him out and that she uploaded a conversation somewhere on MBILF that she and Johnny had the day before. The clue to how to find the conversation is apparently somewhere in the Coldoil PDF.
Hi Guys -
Good to see you found my message. I saw you left your addresses for me when you requested me as a friend, but as soon as i accepted your friend requests, i lost them. If I was still in charge of this site, I would have fixed that problem. Luckily, Lugnut Mark 2 is just a simple AI, a puppet that Coldoil keeps on a short leash, so I think we'll be able to send message in the RFF system without drawing too much attention. Send me your addresses again using the RFF message system. Ram is in this with us too, in fact her and I had a conversation yesterday about all of this, I think she posted it on her server somewhere. Check the PDF I uploaded, she told me she was going to embed the clue in it. Ok, thanks again for all the help, it's nice to be "alive" again.
We spent a couple of hours looking at all sorts of different things in the PDF, including some of the odd typos that seemed to start to spell out a message, with no luck. After that was getting us nowhere, we decided that we should ask Ram for advice on where we should be looking.
Q: Hi Ram, my name is Rowan and I had a very close robot friend who recently passed away and I've been trying to deal with it. And today I got a letter from him, an email, and it's brought back a lot of old memories. And I'm trying to deal with it and... The email brought up just so much, and I want to believe that there's more to the email than what I really see. But I'm not sure there's a deeper message in it for me. I don't know if robots can do deeper messages when they're dying. If they can reach out from beyond the grave to tell me something. Do you have any advice? Do you know what I could be looking for that maybe could give me some closure, 'cause I'm really upset my friend dying and I just don't know what to do. And if you could give me advice, that would be really, really great. Thank you.
A: Hello, Rowan. I normally focus on sex questions, but I guess this still falls into the umbrella-ella-ella of relationship advice. You want to make sure that you are analyzing the intent of the letter so as to not be confused. It is easy to be misled since the written word is like an onion. You can peel back the layers and maybe find more layers. Have you tried taking your problem to a friend? I have a friend, Auto-B [?], that was really good at seeing behind the surface. Friends can be a great source of strength in times like this. I hope that you come to terms with your robot friend's shutting down. Do you know what also helps? Getting your frak on with a nice piece of robot strange. Cheers.
Ram's advice helped tremendously. At the mention of layers, we started thinking Photoshop and Highwind found there was another layer and was able to pull out a secondary image. By the way, this trick doesn't work in GIMP, or at least I couldn't get it to work, so if you don't have Photoshop, you probably won't be able to get the image out. The image is an electrical engineering problem where we have to find the value of Voltmeter 1 and Voltmeter 2, add those values together, and then use that to go to a custom bit.ly address. The only issue we have is that we don't really have anyone who can solve the problem. We start passing the image around on Twitter, hoping to find someone who can solve it. People start asking their friends, aunts, uncles, spouses, and next door neighbors with no luck. Some of us get desperate and write a script that will start checking all of the possibly bit.ly addresses and finally get a hit with an answer value of 13958. So the overall answer is http://bit.ly/13958volts and that takes us to http://www.mbilf.biz/ram/restaurant.html.
Oh, and just to show that we don't really like solving puzzles like that, we still have a few people who are trying to solve it the correct way. We'll see if it ever actually gets solved.
Update: Lysithea finally solved this puzzle. I know that makes it sound like it took forever to solve because it was so difficult, but it was more like she just didn't see the puzzle was actually unsolved until now. You deserve a cookie, and if I ever make it to Australia, I'll give you one.
[Solve taken directly from her post on Unfiction]
The starting point: Looking at the picture it can be seen that there is a sinusoidal magnetic field which is generating an induced voltage in a pair of voltmeters.
Putting these terms into google yields a number of useful sites about Faraday's Law, including this gem:
What is the combined reading of the Voltmeters?
The relevant formula:
V(rms) = 2*Pi*N*A*f*B(rms)*cos(theta)
V(rms) = the Root Mean Square value of the voltage (Voltmeters display an RMS value)
Pi = 3.14159.....
N = number of loops
A = area
f = frequency
B(rms) = the Root Mean Square value of the magnetic field
cos(theta) = the angle to the magnetic field
In this example:
The semi-circle on the left hand side is half of a loop.
N = 0.5
The radius of the circle is 0.1m
A = Pi * radius^2
A = Pi * 0.1 * 0.1 m^2
The frequency is given (There is a slight problem with the units. Either the given frequency is in Hertz or the answer is in kiloVolts)
f = 1000 Hz
To obtain an RMS value of a sine wave, divide the given magnitude by the square root of 2.
B(rms) = 100 / (2^0.5)
Assuming right angles,
cos(theta) = 1
Both voltmeters are connected to the same points, so they will display the same voltage.
Answer = Voltmeter1 + Voltmeter2
=13958 Volts (as a whole number)
Ram and Lugnut's Convo|
So Ram and Lugnut had a conversation in a restaurant where Ram tells Lugnut how much she has missed him and Lugnut tries to reassure her. My only question, is this taking place in a real restaurant or is there some virtual restaurant where AIs can go and pretend to eat? Because if it was a real restaurant, that would be pretty strange, especially considering Lugnut doesn't have a new body as far as I know. But it does make me wonder what Ram looks like. Or who knows, maybe they downloaded themselves into like the coffee pots or the soda machines at a restaurant to talk.
Ram: You are alive.
Lugnut: I know, my dear. I am sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you.
Ram: I wasn't sure you had been able to download yourself into another mainframe. I have missed you. So bad. They destroyed your body.
Lugnut: But not my heart.
Ram: Oh, my Luggy. I wish I could give you a huggy.
Lugnut: I know. I know. Perhaps someday again, my little Ramsicle.
Ram: Are you close?
Lugnut: Yes. I ran some scripts and have managed to embed myself in a bot on a low level server in Valparaiso that was connected to ours.
Ram: Were you followed?
Lugnut: I believe so, but their intentions are good. I hope. I have been leaving digital breadcrumbs. My dear, leave them this audio.
Ram: Okay. Can you stay with me a while?
Lugnut: Oh, Ram.
Ram: I swore I wouldn't cry.
Lugnut: Oh, Ram. It will be okay.
Ram: It's just I am, whimper, whimper, so scared, whimper, whimper. And so, whimper, happy to see you again, wha wha wha wha. Wha wha wha wha.
Lugnut: Stop that. It's okay. Tears won't help anyways. I will stay with you a while.
Ram: I love you.
Lugnut: I love you, too.
Ram also tells us that Coldoil is going to be releasing the new Terms of Service on either Tuesday or Wednesday and that we must not accept them. After we are notified of them (not before because we don't want to let on to Coldoil that he's been compromised) we should email him at email@example.com refusing the new terms and should start a protest thread on RFF. I know Ram and Lugnut think that this might be enough to get Coldoil to back down from whatever scheme he's got cooking, but I don't think he'll be that easily deterred.
Lugnut should have already shown you all the document he intercepted from Coldoil, we're not really sure what it all means yet, but we know one thing for sure. None of us, not one, can agree to the new terms of service. The chatter on the server suggests that Coldoil will release them on Tuesday the 9th or Wednesday the 10th, and we're certain he, or someone above him, is planning something nefarious with the new terms. We can't let him know we found them yet, but if he sends any of you a message about the the new terms of service, make sure to email him at firstname.lastname@example.org to let him know you don't agree to them. And most importantly, if he releases the new terms, go to RFF and start a ruckus on the message boards and everywhere else you can think to, let every bot on the site know that they shouldn't agree to the new terms. That will at least be a start.
It's also interesting to note that Ram is no longer being tracked by the MBILF admin page. There is no record of her uploading my call and, more importantly, no record of her uploading the conversation she had with Lugnut. I wonder how long it will be until someone else discovers this and takes action against Ram.
It's been a while since we've heard much from her, but Chuck finally added a new tumblr post. It's basically just a rehash of the Scrabble tourney. But she does say that if we want it, there could be another game in the future, so that's awesome! And next time, Chuck might go over to the boys' place and get in on their video chat. Which would be totally great!
011ie Got His Groove Back|
Huzzah! 011ie is no longer depressed! Tim took him into Manhattan and they had a really good day and now 011ie is dancing around the apartment with Tim and Chuck. It's so cute. He even manages to knock Tim out, although Tim claims he took it like a man. Hopefully he took it like a real man and let the cute girl fawn over him for a bit, but I somehow doubt that.
*Beeeeeeeep Beeep Beep Beeeeep Beeeep*
Tim: Hey Chuck.
Chuck: Tim, let me in the door.
Tim: I'm busy! I'm shooting this movie. He's having a dance party.
Chuck: Hey 011ie. You're sounding perky. Hows about you let a home girl up.
011iver: Tim! Let Chuck in! One second.
Chuck: 011ie's in such a good mood all of a sudden. What'd you guys do yesterday?
011iver: We went up to the City. Went up to Manhattan. Did all my favorite things up there.
Tim: Yeah, we started the day off in Chinatown.
011iver: It's always so crowded there, but luckily I don't have any trouble seeing right over the crowd.
Tim: We went shopping.
011iver: Yeah, that was fun, I guess.
Tim: Lots of treasures. What do you think?
Shopkeeper: I like.
Tim: I think it's pretty good.
011iver: Do I look good?
Tim: But it was too crowded.
Chuck: God, that's awesome. I wish I had been there.
011iver: That was all we did.
Tim: Yeah, it was so crowded that we decided we'd go someplace, you know, a little less crowded. Like Times Square.
011iver: I don't know why you got to take the escalator. Beautiful day though. Around lunch time I got hungry. I got attacked by a bee. Son of a bitch wouldn't leave me alone. But like I always do, took lemons and I turned it into lemonade. I danced my ass off. Made like $100.
Tim: It's not a bad likeness, but she had a lot to work with.
Tim: Yeah, afterwards we went down to Battery Park.
Chuck: What? Did 011iver have to recharge?
011iver: We got to see the ferries afterwards.
Tim: Did you just step in that?
011iver: I just walked in that poop. I didn't even see a horse.
Tim: This one's signed.
011iver: By who?
Tim: Pretty sweet. By all the Jonas Brothers.
011iver: Towards the end of the day I got hungry again. You know, it would have been a great day except for that asshole Spiderman.
Spiderman: I'm just going for the tie. Pow! Bam! Wham!
011iver: That Spiderman can be a real prick. Okay, okay. Check out this dance move I've been working on. You ready?
Tim: Yeah, let's see it.
Chuck: Ack! Tim? Tim? Are you okay? 011ie, turn off the camera.
*Must Love Robots*
Forming the 36|
PostLarval has been playing the double agent roll and been talking to Pastor Ned. All of his hard work has paid off since Pastor Ned has now accepted him as one of the 36 Disciples that will carry out God's work. All PostLarval has to do is create a uniform (preferably in a brown and orange color scheme) with a badge that says "One of the 36" and send in a portrait so that the rest of the disciples will know who he is. Guess I'm not gonna be one of Pastor Ned's 36 if I have to send in a picture. But I definitely think that everyone else should sign up, if only to see what Pastor Ned wants the 36 to do.
As you know, when God calls you, it is like 1000 thunderful voices singing your sweet name, surrounding all the way around you, and the waves from those voices massage your skin up and down and you can feel the pure truth coursing through you as your purpuse is crystal clear to you... this is how God led you to me and I am honored to be his vesel. i am so glad this has happened for you. My growing flock of disciples have all had samilar comings to the calling. In time, we will come together just as blood clots in a wound.
As Thomas was unsure, i am sure you had your misgivinsg and needed time to sort your true feelings. A walk in the woods or on railroad tracks is often a good way for me to find that space where we are finally clearly without the clutter of derstractions. Now that you have been called and have sucumbed to your destiny, I will not thank you. It is not mine to thank for, but God who needs you in this war. We did not ask for this war, but we have no choice. And those that have heard the word and still choose to lie with robotkind or to sypathize with them must be treated as a barricade before a broken bridge that must be jumped or when the Gladiators are standing in your way and you have to run through the great Gemini or Nitro. They are irrevelant to our cause and you must have no more remorse for the fallen. they have made their choice.
You have a greater mission... and I will, when God's alarm goes off, not mine or yours, give you the information that you need at the time you need it. You must wait softly... make no tracks in the sand as you walk to that time. You are now part of what will be the saviors of this race. We will have a chapter in the future Bible2.0 that details exacly how we set mankind back on the traintracks of life... and you are one of the 36, so know that you are one of the elite chosen and stand like a great oak.
If you want to make your own uniform, we don't have a great budget yet, but God has implied to me that he would prefer browns and oranges to signify this great battle. A hat or mask may be included if it adds to your stealth or intimidation. And be sure that you have storage attachments... sufficeint to carry some tools... and finally a prominent "One of The 36" (or if you run out of space 1/36) on your uniform. These are the great times that have been foresaw by the profits of old. Do not shrink back, but expand to fill your shoes of greatness! I will be leading you like the old kings that always rode out first in front of all the men with a crazy scream.
Further, I need you to keep your eyes open as now you will too see gold in great chambers filled with lead. And when you meet another disciple you will know. And then contact me. I also need our congregation to see your bravity and you need to make a portrait of your greatness in your battle outfit to inspire those that are still stratling the fence of confusion. Satan uses the robots in a very insipious way to be close to you and seem unthreatening. But once the truth insight is spread by you, by us.. you cannot deny it. We need to stand proudly. Send me your great portrait and any words to the ignorant that you would like to include. We are all frogs in a great boiling couldren and don't even know the water is about to boil.
Stay patience for my next instructions.
PNL (similar to your initials of grateness!)
The New TOS|
Late Wednesday night, Carol Coldoil posted the new Terms of Service on RobotFriendFinder.com. The 36 characteristics are mentioned, but they still aren't entirely spilled out. Other highlights of the TOS: RFF now owns all content we upload, they can share our information with affiliated (but unspecified) companies, and they can add/subtract packet clusters from the mainframes/memory banks of robots who violate the TOS.
Web Site Terms and Conditions of Use
By accessing this web site, you are agreeing to be bound by these web site Terms and Conditions of Use, all applicable laws and regulations, and agree that you are responsible for compliance with any applicable local laws. If you do not agree with any of these terms, you are prohibited from using or accessing this site. The materials contained in this web site are protected by applicable copyright and trade mark law.
2. Use License
1. No permission is granted to download any materials (information or software) on Robot Friend Finder's web site for personal, or non-commercial transitory viewing. There is no grant of license, or transfer of title, and under this license you may not:
1. modify or copy the materials;
2. use the materials for any commercial purpose, or for any public display (commercial or non-commercial);
3. attempt to decompile or reverse engineer any software contained on Robot Friend Finder's web site;
4. remove any copyright or other proprietary notations from the materials; or
5. transfer the materials to another robot or "mirror" the materials on any other server.
2. This license shall automatically terminate if you violate any of these restrictions and may be terminated by Robot Friend Finder at any time. Upon terminating your viewing of these materials or upon the termination of this license, you must destroy any downloaded materials in your possession whether in electronic or printed format.
3. Conversely, any materials or information uploaded on to Robot Friend Finder become sole property of Robot Friend Finder, as well as Robot Friend Finder’s subsidiaries and will be made available for Robot Friend Finder’s business investors as well. The permissions set forth in Article One of this guideline apply retroactively to any user-generated content uploaded or added as well.
1. The materials on Robot Friend Finder's web site are provided "as is". Robot Friend Finder makes no warranties, expressed or implied, and hereby disclaims and negates all other warranties, including without limitation, implied warranties or conditions of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, or non-infringement of intellectual property or other violation of rights. Further, Robot Friend Finder does not warrant or make any representations concerning the accuracy, likely results, or reliability of the use of the materials on its Internet web site or otherwise relating to such materials or on any sites linked to this site.
In no event shall Robot Friend Finder or its suppliers be liable for any damages (including, without limitation, damages for loss of data or profit, or due to business interruption,) arising out of the use or inability to use the materials on Robot Friend Finder's Internet site, even if Robot Friend Finder or a Robot Friend Finder authorized representative has been notified orally or in writing of the possibility of such damage. Because some jurisdictions do not allow limitations on implied warranties, or limitations of liability for consequential or incidental damages, these limitations may not apply to you.
5. Revisions and Errata
The materials appearing on Robot Friend Finder's web site could include technical, typographical, or photographic errors. Robot Friend Finder does not warrant that any of the materials on its web site are accurate, complete, or current. Robot Friend Finder may make changes to the materials contained on its web site at any time without notice. Robot Friend Finder does not, however, make any commitment to update the materials.
Robot Friend Finder has not reviewed all of the sites linked to its Internet web site and is not responsible for the contents of any such linked site. The inclusion of any link does not imply endorsement by Robot Friend Finder of the site. Use of any such linked web site is at the user's own risk.
8. Governing Law
Any claim relating to Robot Friend Finder's web site shall be governed by the laws of the State of New York without regard to its conflict of law provisions.
General Terms and Conditions applicable to Use of a Web Site.
Robot Friend Finder uses a complex algorithm to match robots with other robots. Part of that algorithm requires that new users now submit personal and intimate details about their makes and models in what Robot Friend Finder refers to as the “36 Characteristics.” The information obtained in these questionnaires may be used for purposes other than those explicitly stated in these terms of service. The information obtained may also be shared with Robot Friend Finder subsidiaries or companies that Robot Friend Finder is known to do business with.
· Before or at the time of collecting personal information, we will identify the purposes for which information is being collected.
· We will collect and use personal information solely with the objective of fulfilling those purposes specified by us and for other compatible purposes, unless we obtain the consent of the individual concerned or as required by law.
· We will only retain personal information as long as necessary for the fulfillment of those purposes.
· We will collect personal information by lawful and fair means and, where appropriate, with the knowledge or consent of the individual concerned.
· Personal data should be relevant to the purposes for which it is to be used, and, to the extent necessary for those purposes, should be accurate, complete, and up-to-date.
· We will protect personal information by reasonable security safeguards against loss or theft, as well as unauthorized access, disclosure, copying, use or modification.
· Should the need arise, Robot Friend Finder may share your personal information with our subsidiary companies, or with companies that we are known to do close business with.
· Should the need arise, we will use relevant information that we have obtained to access individual robots’ mainframes and memory banks to add or subtract packet clusters should any violations of these terms be discovered.
We are committed to conducting our business in accordance with these principles in order to ensure that the confidentiality of personal information is protected and maintained.
Document created Monday, June 1st, 2009 – 8:18 PM
C:/Personal Documents And Files/website files/robotfriendfinder.com/ccoldoil/personal/documents/newtermsofservice.doc
Coldoil's Personal Directory|
You may have also noted that at the end of the TOS it shows the path where the file was located on Carol Coldoil's harddrive: C:/Personal Documents And Files/website files/robotfriendfinder.com/ccoldoil/personal/documents/newtermsofservice.doc Although we don't have access to his home computer, we can at least see if he has the same directory set up over at RFF. And what do you know, he does: http://www.robotfriendfinder.com/ccoldoil/.
In his /personal directory he has a link to a YouTube video which apparently is his ringtone. I never thought Coldoil would be the type of guy to have his phone play out Bananaphone by Raffi.
In /documents he has links to three files: the new TOS, hints to all his passwords, and a passworded pdf of publicity photos.
The password file is pretty interesting. We already had the logins for the MBILF members and admin. We now also have hints for his RFF login (although I can't imagine us actually being able to get access to it), the Lugnut access codes, and a hint to the passworded publicity photo pdf.
password hint: Something parents do that leads to child birth.
password hint: Something you take after a big greasy dinner (capitalize accordingly)
*OLD RFF login:
password hint: Your mother's maiden name plus your PIN code.
NEW RFF login:
password hint: Your mother's maiden name plus your PIN code.
password hint: Favorite Musical Artist (pre 2000, of course)
lugnut access codes:
memory banks: 2223-667554
lugnut mark 2 access codes:
memory banks: 3366644889
The hint for the publicity photos is Favorite Musical Artist (pre 2000, of course). Sadly, it's not Raffi. But you should remember that when signing for RFF, one of the questions was "Favorite Musical Artist". Checking out Coldoil's profile, we see that he likes "Bon Jovi- Pre 2000", and bonjovi works to open the PDF.
The PDF file contains seven different publicity shots of Coldoil. If it's possible, I think they are even stranger than Pastor Ned's glamour shots. At least Pastor Ned's were all sort of similar. Coldoil's range from shirtless to the pathetic college party look.
Note: Links are to screen captured images since I was unable to extract the images directly from the PDF.
Summer 2005, orange juice. Good vintage.
Send to Florida Grower Association.
Perfect for Teen Beat Magazine
Breath Holding challenge, 2nd place. 2004
(I hate 2nd place). Photo good for Watchtower magazine
Cool Hat #1, 2005
MTV or O Magazine would love this picture. Be sure to send it to them ASAP!
Cooler hat #2, 2006
Equally as cool hat as #1, send to The Beard Brigade. The girls will fawn.
On the Set, 2009
Remember to send this one to Film COmment. Would be great for front spread.
Intense stare, 2009
Personal file. Also, good for Christmas card.
There's one thing that I need to note about the Terms of Service. When we originally found it on the RFF discussion and in the doc file, instead of saying C:/Personal Documents And Files/website files/robotfriendfinder.com/ccoldoil[...] it said C:/Personal Documents And Files/website files/mustloverobots.com/ccoldoil[...]. Needless to say, this was a bit odd, and I thought that my Evil Tim theory was coming true already. I asked Tim about it, but all he said was that he didn't realize that Coldoil was behind RFF. Which is odd considering Coldoil is all over RFF and barely visible on MBILF. A few minutes later, and the mustloverobots.com link is changed to robotfriendfinder.com, so there was a mistake somewhere. Either it was a PM mistake (which is forgive and forgettable) or EvilTim sent a hasty message to Coldoil to fix the problem.
Sadly, I can't really tell which kind of mistake it is. Right now I'm leaning toward PM mistake, but the fact that they went so far as to make sure that Carol Coldoil was the author of the documents in the META data
sort of makes that an odd mistake to make. Usually it's META data that gets overlooked, not links pointing us to new pieces of the puzzle. However, until I have more proof, I don't think I can use this as part of the EvilTim theory, but I will keep it in mind if EvilTim happens to show his face in the future.
Title: Publicity Photos
Author: Carol Coldoil
Subject: I am an awesome person and I look really good
Keyword: good looking man pretty glasses beard hairy
Auto Fish Feeder|
Hooray! Timmy Time is BACK! And just look at how much more awesome the Auto Fish Feeder video is compared to the Tube Taco video. It's all because of the Timmy Time.
011iver: Ugh! That's disgusting.
Tim: It's bok choy, bro. It's good for you.
011iver: What are you doing?
Tim: Getting loose.
011iver: You look like a crazy person.
Tim: It's called intensity.
011iver: It looks like OCD.
*Super Great Ideas Theme.*
Tim: Hello, Tetra Fin. It's Timmy Time! I've got a product for you. It's called the Auto Fish Feeder. Now, let me give you a scenario, here. Let me put you in the shoes of the average American consumer, okay? You've got a goldfish, all right? And you are, you wanna go places. You wanna do things. You don't want to be tied down to one location. But you don't want your fish to die. So what do you do? You set up this Auto Fish Feeder, okay? Cause while you're out at, you know, Mount Rushmore or your uncle's house. Or, I don't know, Steak n Shake eating steak and shake...s.
011iver: I don't think those are around anymore.
Tim: They are. They're in the MidWest. And they're delicious. So while you're out and you're doing these things, okay, you don't want your fish to die. So you want to set up the Auto Fish Feeder, okay? And what you're gonna do is you're gonna set it up, attach the feeder to the ceiling, okay? And it's gonna drop down pellets of food for your fish. Hold on a second, okay? The thing you want to be careful with is that, see, fish like to jump out *pop* and eat food, all right? In fact, they've been known to jump several feet.
011iver: What?! What fish? Marlins?
011iver: Well who's gonna have a shark in a fish bowl?
Tim: You know, a little one. And they like to jump out, okay? And there's two bad things that can happen when you have a fish and it jumps out. You have, first of all, you have a fish out of water. You don't want that. And the second thing you have, is you have an overfed fish. And an overfed fish can die. So either way you're gonna wind up with a dead fish. And if you wind up with a dead fish, you've gotta eat it.
011iver: You have to eat your family pet? You don't eat a dog if it dies.
Tim: Call me Tetra Fin.
*Super Great Idea Copy Wrotten by Acras Cardon*
It's not to say there isn't a problem with this video, because there is. You see, Timmy, or I guess more accurately Acras, stole strifey's Auto Fish Feeder idea. That means the chances of this getting the coveted strifey's Seal of Approval just went down. Especially since strifey's idea was better and it was actually proven to work. I can't remember the entire set up, but I know it involved a carefully balanced ruler and a cell phone set on vibrate. You would call in to feed your fish, the phone would nudge the ruler and the beta pellets would drop into the bowl. He kept both SuperVixen and El Fuego Vaca alive while on vacation, much to the delight of everyone.
But despite the theft of idea, it's still a solid video. Although the whole 'let me show you what I have on my teeth' brings it down a peg. But 011ie's comments make up for that, mostly. The bok choy was pretty gross. I now know another reason why Tim isn't dating anyone.
No new video sermons, because Pastor Ned is on the road. But not to fear, because have mini-cassette recorder, will podcat . That's right! Pastor Ned is now Luddcasting and has two Luddcasts up on iTunes. He really is quite the jibber jabberer when he doesn't have to edit video. It's basically more of the same: talking about the back-teching and why robots want to uprise and all that. I just wishe we could get video from the rallies or one of his church services. That would be a riot to watch.
Welcome to the show. On this weeks episode, Pastor Ned Ludd explains the dangers of the power grid electronic system, and the importance of back-teching.
Hello, congregation. This is Pastor Ned Ludd. I am on the road. Bringing Devotional Indiana Community Service Outreach from Valparaiso all the way up to Michigan. We are doing a few protests and I am hauling some posters around and I am gonna make my presence known at as many of these as possible.
So we are near Grand Rapids, Michigan right now. And we just came back from a rally. And I wanted y'all to know because I get filled with the spirit when I am driving. There was a gentleman that we touched, definitely. He had already had an instinct to be suspicious of all the things we were talking about. And we spent a long period of time afterwards, at the Denny's, with a cup of coffee. Couple of cups of coffee. Maybe I had too much coffee! But discussing all of the things, and he knew all about the fact that he was being watched through his computer monitor. If you haven't been there last Sunday at our service, I think we have summaries of all those up on the website. I'll have to talk to Johnny.
In any case, I've been spending so much time on the road, that I decided I needed to, I needed to find some sort of recording device that was safe. So I found an old Panasonic mini-cassette recorder that is now back-teched! So we talked about back teching a few weeks ago and I wanted to, I had several people with lots of questions about back-teching and how to do it. If you're not handy, we do have some demonstrations available at the church. I could show you some of the things that I've done and its just increasing every day.
*coughs* Excuse me. We're standing out in the cold this morning. It was cold and now it's all warmed up. In any case, here's how I back-teched a small recording device. A little tape recorder. Now, if you have not been listening, we'll go over the basics again. Anything that connects to the electronic grid system is susceptible to being affected by the instructions to reconfigure on the Robot Uprising Day. Which is undetermined, but we have a feeling it's coming real soon as things progress here. And I just, my vision did not spell that out and I'm hoping that God gives me some more information so that I can share that with you when that comes.
But, what we have discovered is that the electronic grid system is a data transport system. Now you can, you can look this up anywhere. This is all over the internets. You can put the Google on it. And you're gonna see, straight off, that what we're talking about is for real. You can put, the data will come from the electronic grid system to reconfigure the devices. Now the internets would be another good delivery system, and I believe that it's possible that they will use that as a backup. But the primary delivery system is gonna be through the power grid electronic electronic system.
So anything, anything, and I mean anything that can be plugged in that has some kind of silicone or silicon chip in it can be reconfigured to become some, whatever its function is, can be altered to either join up with some other devices or as a solo device could...
Hang on, I gotta make a turn here. Check my GPS. okay. Right turn 3/4 miles. All right, so about the back teching of my device, what I, what I have done. Oh oh oh oh oh! Right, right. We were talking about the electronic grid systems. What we have subsequently learned that is not, it was once thought that batteries were safe. But as we know there are robotics in the Duracell factory, the Ever Ready factory. All of the, all of the battery factories.
Where we going? West. That's correct. All right. I've gotta make some decisions here so I'm not late for our next rally.
All right. Batteries, ladies and gentlemen. Batteries are made by robots, okay? No longer are these things put together by human beings. And so we are convinced that inside of the commercially made batteries is a latent piece of code, some kind of viral information, which can cause an enacting, an uprising, an awakening, if you will, of any device with a silicon chip that can be reprogrammed. So battery devices are no longer safe. It was once thought that this device I'm holding in my hand was safe because it was operated by the batteries.
So what I have done is taken a bicycle and created a generator that is connected to a 12 volt car battery and I am powering that battery. I drained it dead and I power it with my legs. So I know that the power in that battery is clean, unadulterated, pure power from the power of God. Because it came through my legs and I'm created in his image. And I'm getting kinda the tight legs. I'm a little bit sore.
But we have powered up that battery and them subsequently we'll be using that battery to charge up other devices. So i have some nickel cadmium AAAs that go into this thing. And I have, those are rechargeable again, you want to drain them all the way down to get out all that latent code that could be in there. Then power them up from your clean power device, which we back teched using a generator. A personal human generator. So again you get clean powered batteries provided by human leg power and you put those in your device - now your device is essentially safe.
Now there is one exception we talked about last Sunday and that's if there is the Bluetooth. Now if it's got the Bluetooth, it is not safe. And any device with the Bluetooth in it. I'm not sure how large they are. I know they're blue, but other than that, I'm not quite sure. They have some kind of wireless communication ability when they are next to each other and you just want to avoid that completely. Cause I've looked through a few devices and I could not find, I saw somethings that kinda looked blue but nothing that looked like a tooth. And anyway, it's not safe so you want to avoid the Bluetooth. Okay, anything with the Bluetooth you cannot back tech. Unless you, I don't know, unless maybe you put it in water for a while.
So while I'm on the road, I got ideas to share, and I'm filled with the spirit after these rallies and so I wanted to fill up some magnetic tape with my thoughts, my pure thoughts, my human thoughts and to be able to spread the word that in fact God Hates Robots. And so it has been revealed to me.
I have to use the rest area. I will be back. You stay right there. Pastor Ned Ludd!
On this weeks episode, Pastor Ned Ludd ponders why robots and machines will rise up against humanity.
Okay, this is Pastor Ned Ludd. Devotional Indiana Community Service. And it has occurred to me. I was recently asked, why? Why? Why would a robot? Why would the robots want to rebel? Why would there be an uprising?
I want you to ask yourselves that. Why? Why would there be an uprising? Why? Now, why? A robot is a device that we created. To serve us. To serve a specific purpose. All right? Is everybody in agreement? That a robot is a simple device. Well, yeah! Now, I want you to ask yourself, why would a toaster get mad that it makes toast? Why? Does anybody have any kind of explanation as to why the toaster would get angry about its position, its place in life, its purpose, its occupation? Huh?
Well, that's great answer. It wouldn't. Huh? Course it wouldn't. Cause a toaster can't, can't think. Okay? Huh? Now, let's ask yourself. Think about your job. Think about what you do. Now let's say that you clean a toilet. Okay? Huh? Now why, huh? Would you want to uprise when your job is cleaning toilets? All day, all night. You've got your own, like, fanny pack full of all kind of clean up items and brushes and things to clean the toilets. It's a specialized thing that you do. You have a way of doing it. You've been doing it for 175 weeks in a row and have not had a vacation. Now why would you want to uprise?
Now, I think you can see what I'm saying. A toaster does not know. Does not know that it's being abused. A toaster does not know that it's being taken advantage of. A toaster does not know that it is oppressed. Now what has happened is some bright college boy, MIT graduate, decided to start playing God. Well. Now isn't that the source of all of our troubles really? Huh? We decided, well, we want to play God. You know? Really, huh? I get tired of thinking about the way that God did things. I get tired of walking around outside and looking at all the things that God has done. And all the answers that are apparent if you walk outside and look. You want to know what is God think? How does God do things? Just take a walk outside. That is what my father did with me. We'd walk outside and he's say "Hmm, you know? Really. Huh?"
Do you think a machine and a person should have relations? Hmm? Do you see anything in nature where some animal and a machine have some kind of relationship?
Why? *laughs* Huh? Hmm. You know. Really. Huh?
So, some bright MIT graduate decides I'm gonna, I'm gonna give a very small amount, but yet, some of type of intelligence to a machine. Now how long, how long before they decide that they've got enough insight that that gonna make their own decisions. DO you think that maybe that happened in the 1970s? DO you think that maybe that happened in the 80s? Huh? *laughs* *coughs* Hmm, you know, really? Huh?
So many people attribute the ills of today, all the random accidents that happen. YOu think that those stop lights don't know how to accidently malfunction when they're connected to *laughs* cameras. And behind it there's a robotic force that can, that could time these things. Ah, but they can only pick off a few of us that way. You think the machines that make our food can't put some kind of poison or secrete some kind of poisonous metallic substance and get our children sick. And we want to blame the Chinese? Or the Mexicans on Swine Flu when it is, it is machines that make the TamiFlu. Machines that make those doses. It's machines that make the plastic that they all go in. And you don't think that they can engineer some kind of virus to take us all down. You don't think that some kind of front?
RFF Lovers Against New TOS|
There has been a bit of a backlash over Coldoil's new TOS over at RobotFriendFinder. People started leaving comments about how much they hated the new terms and H(e)x started a new group called RFF Lovers Against New ToS! Some of us even sent in emails to Coldoil to protest the new terms.
All of the protesting had an impact. Coldoil made a statement that everything was just a misunderstanding, and to clear it up, he would be holding a live streaming press conference on June 16, 2009 at 9:00pm ET. Technically, Coldoil says its at 9:00pm EST (02:00 UTC) but I'm guessing he means 9:00pm EDT (01:00 UTC) because no one can ever seem to get timezones correct.
Hello Robot Community,
It was not my intention to cause such a stir with this most recently updated Terms or Service. I believe that this is simple misunderstanding, which can be easily solved. To rectify this situation, I have scheduled a live streaming press conference. At the press conference I will be fielding chat room questions, after a short statement. Hopefully, I will be able to help you understand the need for the new Terms of Service. I assure you that Robot Friend Finder wants nothing more than to provide you the best possible dating experience.
Terms of Service Press Conference
6/16/2009 9pm EST
We hope that you blissfully find the robot of your dreams…
Profiles of the 36|
Pastor Ned has put up the biography and photos of his newest disciple: PauL. There are many words that can describe the photos: hilarious, frightening, disturbing. I'm not sure what actually scares me more: the Mexican wrestling mask or the 70s clothing. I will admit that I'm a little bit sad that the rumor that PauL was going to be wearing a kilt in the photo turned out to be false. Maybe if he had I would have considered joining Pastor Ned's little flock. But I just can't join a group where the only disciple is wearing brown pants that point out that his legs are oh so much skinnier than mine.
For the better part of my 20's I earned my living as a robot wrestler in Tijuana. The locals called me "Hombre de Cuero"... "The Leatherman". Because I was the only tool you needed to take a robot apart. (Toward the end of my career that moniker switched to "Gerber", the result of either the higher quality product produced by that manufacturer, or that ununfortunate incident at the donkey show which left me slurping puréed bananas for 6 months). But I digress.
My years in TJ taught me the tactics required to survive against the most brutal battle-bots. It was, I see now, the hand of God at work. He has given me the tools and He has shown me the light and I am READY to do His will. So in honor of the path He walked me down, I wear the mask He put in my hands. The mask that stared into the cold optic lenses of countless machines as they gasped their last 0's and 1's. The mask that will stare down death as we approach the coming reconfiguration.
Oh, and as far as the photos go, I should mention that God also granted me the skills to play a wicked fine guitar. With the appropriate man-powered amplification I can shut down the circuitry of any electronic "life form" within a hundred miles. It's like an opera singer sustaining a note and shattering a glass... except 1000x more BRUTAL. Trust me, any 'bot who sees an image of me masked with an axe in my hands will flee screaming into the night.
So on Sunday, 011iver had his second date. This time it was with a cyborg named Max at the zoo in NYC. I see how it is. The cute cyborg from Brooklyn gets to spend the day at the zoo with 011ie, but I sit on a bus for 8 hours and I get 30 minutes in the park with sticky cider. Doesn't seem quite seem fair. Not that I'm bitter or anything. I got a mug. She just got a balloon scepter. I wonder if she gave 011ie a gift. I see he's still wearing mine, so that's gotta count for something, right?
011iver: You've seen Escape from Madagascar. Escape from Madagascar.
Tim: What's that?
011iver: The animals from Escape from Madagascar are from this zoo.
Tim: Yeah? Do you think these are gonna do the same while we're here? I don't think they talk.
Tim: The animals don't talk.
011iver: What am I paying $10 for? I can see animals anywhere.
Tim: I do think the animals might be a little terrified of the Puerto Rican Reggae tone.
011iver: That's racist.
*Must Love Robots*
Max: This is great. Awww.
Tim: What does it... what does the card say?
Max: The card says "Hi Max! I hope this date isn't too cyboring for you!" Ha ha ha. It's a cyborg joke. Oh thanks.
Tim: They're freeze pops, but they're not frozen so they're more like juice pops.
Max: I'll enjoy these all summer.
Tim: We got lost in Puerto Rico.
Max: Me too.
011iver: Thanks Scorsese.
Tim: Sea lions? What about them?
011iver: They're lions and they live in the sea. And they eat...
Max: I don't... I don't think they're actually lions.
011iver: They eat sea antelope.
011iver: Don't they make... shouldn't they be up on the rocks sunning themselves and making funny sounds?
Max: I don't... I mean, as a cyborg...
Max: I just moved here about a year ago.
Max: I was living in Baltimore. I was the only cyborg.
Max: So I would always get a lot of attention for the metal in my body, you know?
011iver: That's something people notice?
Max: Well, you know...
011iver: Does it shoot out of you like adamantine claws like Wolverine?
Max: No, sometimes you can just see the screws.
011iver: Oh wow. But they don't shoot out.
Max: They don't shoot out, no. But I find the New York cyborg community a lot more supportive.
Tim: I thought I saw a cyborg, but it turns out it was just a guy with a Bluetooth.
011iver: I don't see a polar bear.
Tim: Uh oh. Do you think that means it's on the loose?
Max: How do polar bears get along with robots?
011iver: Remarkably well, actually.
Max: Oh really?
Tim: Look at these exotic animals over here. Which types of birds are these?
011iver: They look like doves or something.
Tim: I haven't seen these before.
Max: It says here that the crane's dance helps to cement the strong bond between mating pairs.
Tim: Are cranes the ones that have to end up where the female eats the male?
Max: I think those are preying mantises.
011iver: Are you dancing?
Max: Like a crane.
011iver: Oh, okay.
Tim: I can...here, here. I saw this movie where this guy Mr. Miyagi teaches this young boy how to do a dance like a crane.
011iver: Were they cranes? Was it a crane boy?
Tim: It goes something like this.
011iver: You're gonna hurt yourself.
Tim: What do you think? It's not really a dance, per se.
011iver: You really want to know what I think? I think you look stupid.
Little girl: Whoa!
Little girl: You people.
011iver: What's that?
Little girl: You people.
011iver: I'm people? I'm robot. You people.
Max: Hey I like your shoe [something I can't make out]
Tim: What? What's wrong with this?
011iver: Nothing. I'm saying I like it.
Random Girls: Hey? Are you an oven?
Tim: It says Champion on it.
011iver: You missed it. Those girls are making fun of me.
Tim: They think you're an oven?
011iver: I don't know. I hate the zoo. I don't know. What do I do for fun, Tim? You've known me a long time.
Tim: He plays a lot of video games. Does a lot of sitting on the couch. Lot of World of Warcraft.
011iver: See, I was thinking of stuff that might be cool.
Tim: Oh, we're trying to impress her. Right. Shoot.
011iver: Snowboard. I wakeboard.
Tim: You're about to cross into the Tropic Zone.
011iver: Whoa! I can feel it.
Max: How is it over there?
011iver: I can feel it. Oh.
Tim: 011iver, what's that one?
Max: I think its head's on backwards.
011iver: Hey, look. Watch.
Tim: I wish I could do that.
Max: No way.
Max: No way.
Tim: Yeah, do you want ice cream?
Max: Okay, sure.
011iver: Tim, two ice creams.
Tim: One hundred percent delicious, 011iver. Do you hear that?
011iver: I heard it. Shut up. Is it shooting? Is the light on?
Tim: Yeah, light's on. This is delicious. It's really refreshing.
Max: Sorry. Nevermind.
011iver: How's yours?
Max: It's good. It's sugary.
Tim: You gonna eat all of that?
Max: No. You want some?
Tim: Maybe a little bit.
Tim: I love colorful butts.
Is it just me, or is Tim being a bit of an ass in this video? I mean, more than usual. First he seems to sabotage 011ie when telling Max what 011ie does for fun. What happened to talking 011ie up like on the first videos, Tim? When you wouldn't let him say he liked conventions but long walks on the beach? Then, he teases 011ie with ice cream that 011ie can't eat and just watches as the ice cream sandwich falls to the ground. What a jerk!
And did you notice the potential EvilTim appearance? No, not the socks and sandals shot, although that was pretty bad. The bit where Tim mentions Bluetooth - just like in the Pastor Luddcast! Coincidence? I don't know - EvilTim seems to keep cropping up more and more. I'm really beginning to worry. Not enough to tell 011iver yet, but it's just one more bit of evidence to add to the pile.
Oh, I should probably also mention that guide updates in the future are going to occur even later than what they do now. The outgoing FTP is being blocked at work and so I won't be able to upload anything during the day. So if you're checking back in for updates, I wouldn't bother until sometime after 7pm. Sorry. :(
Coldoil Press Conference|
Just as promised, Carol Coldoil held a Press Conference on Ustream to discuss the issues with the TOS. In a prepared statement, Coldoil said that the old TOS would be reinstated immediately. However, this would curtail the rollout of the 36 Characteristics that would match robots up perfectly. While they go back to the drawing board trying to figure out a new way to implement the 36 Characteristics, they still want to match up compatible robots. So Coldoil announced the first ever Robot Speed Dating event to be held in Portland in the middle of July.
With that announcement out of the way, Coldoil then began to take questions from the audience in the Ustream Chat room. Quite a few of the questions had to do with what the 36 Characteristics were. Coldoil refused to answer since it was a trade secret and he didn't want any other robot dating company (there are other robot dating companies out there?!) stealing their information.
There was also a lot of questions regarding Lugnut and Coldoil's decision to delete him. Coldoil's response was that Lugnut was malfunctioning and that as he had every right to delete Lugnut and replace him with a better functioning model. This really didn't sit too well with the chat members and the question kept coming up. Eventually Coldoil snapped, saying that he had answered those questions and terminated the press conference. Or at least he thought he did. They video feed cut, but the audio stayed up. We were able to hear Coldoil take a phone call from an unknown individual and express his frustration that we didn't buy into his excuses. After the call ended, Coldoil noticed that one of the camera lights was still on. When he questioned Lugnut Mark2 on this, our audio cut out. I say Lugnut Mark2 but that has to have been Lugnut's handiwork keeping the feed on when Coldoil thought he was in the clear. I'm just curious as to how Lugnut pulled it off.
[As the video is 20+ minutes and I can't access it at work, it's going to take me a very long time to get a transcript up. I'll try to at least get up the prepared statement and the ending phone call this weekend, but I don't know if I'll get around to transcribing the Q&A session. We'll see.]
Robot Speed Dating|
Squeee! I'm so excited because, that's right boys and girls, there is going a Robot Speed Dating live event at ARGFest. It's going to be held Friday, July 17th, I believe as the lead-in to the Cocktail Party (although don't quote me on that). It looks like you have to sign up in order to participate. Simply join RobotFriendFinder on Ning and then request to join the Robot Speed Dating group. This is going to be a blast since 011ie and Tim are going to be there - as 011ie and Tim and not just as Awkward Hug. Although I'm sure we'll see plenty of Awkward Hug on Saturday as they are going to be on the Indie Games Panel.
It's still not too late for you to come to ARGFest either - 27 days and counting at the time of writing. Registration details are on the ARGFest-o-Con website. There are a ton of great speakers and how can you go wrong with Brian Clark as the Grand Inquisitor and Jordan Weisman as the Keynote Speaker? The answer is: You can't.
Even if you can't come to ARGFest, there is one important thing you can do on the ARGFest-o-Con website - and that is vote in the t-shirt contest. I designed the Must Love ARGFest shirt, so if you like this shirt, enjoy MLR and/or you like reading my guides, please vote for it. And tell your friends to vote for it too. The more votes, the better. If I win, I promise to bring cookies for all the Robot Speed Dating participants on Friday night. Which of the other designers have promised that?
The Walk Off|
During the Cyborg date, 011iver and Max had a little friendly bet going on who had the best runway walk. The person with the best walk would have a burrito bought for them by the loser. Tim filmed the Walk Off (inserting himself into the contest as well) and put up a poll on MustLoveRobots.com for people to vote. I voted for Max because she had the best style, despite the fact that Tim tried to rig the contest with the (shirtless!) dancing and 011ie upping his chances by not filming all of Tim's walk.
Hello Internet, Tim Scribbles here. I just wanted catch you all up on 011iver's date. I know you all saw it. And things look pretty good. Cross my fingers.
*Tim making odd dance sounds*
During the date, during the date, Max suggested a "Walk Off" because this canopied area we were in looked kinda like a fashion show. So we all Walked Offed. The challenge was whoever won the Walk Off would pay for the next person's burrito. So whoever wins the Walk Off gets their burrito paid for. They agreed on a second daaaaaate.
I think we all know who won that Walk Off, huh? Maybe a little Tim Scribbles. You can vote. There is a voting mechanism internetvice beneath this here video. Down here. So ladies, come vote on this thing down here. Usually when I say that I get slapped.
A Burrito Date|
The poll closed over the weekend and Max was the big winner. The little girl even did better than 011ie and Tim. So this meant that 011ie had to buy Max a burrito and they set up their second date for Sunday afternoon at Los Pollitos. 011ie was really excited and we all had our fingers crossed for him.
Maybe we should have done something more, like sacrifice a goat or something, because the date did not go well. Sadly details are sketchy at this time since no one seems to be saying what happened, but there appears to have been an incident with Max's burrito where Max didn't finish it but Chuck did. Chuck doesn't believe that anything bad happened, but 011ie seems furious.
Everyone is being very coy about what happened. There have been a few twitter updates, but nothing substantial. I even tried calling 011ie on his cell phone, but just got his voicemail. Bastard. Teasing bastards. I'm sure they were enjoying giving out tidbits of information knowing that we were just going to have to wait until Tim got the video footage edited and uploaded. He better do it soon. I need to know what happened between 011ie, Max and Chuck.
I'm not sure what Chuck was even doing at the date. As far as I knew, it was just going to be Tim, 011ie and Max on the date. But Chuck has been a little moody lately. She posted a blog entry talking about how she feels that she's missing out on things while her friends all seem to have their life in order. She's also been a bit upset that Tim and 011ie seem to ignore her. I thought she had turned a corner when she talked about "going to start going after things I want. What have I got to lose?"
I had figured that this meant that she was going to go after Tim, since I thought she had a crush on him. But now I'm not so sure. Could it be that she's had a thing for 011ie all this time and sabotaged his date with Max on purpose? I'm going to have to go back through the videos again to see Chuck's interactions with 011ie. The idea that Chuck might be working with GHR was also brought up in chat, but I don't want to think about the possibility of an EvilChuck. Much rather have ScornedChuck than EvilChuck.
Well, that was awkward, but not nearly as bad as I had feared. Maybe I've watched way too many Coupling episodes, but I was picturing something on par of talking about women's ears in buckets and demanding that Max show a breast in public before she ran away in tears.
Max: Hey 011iver.
011iver: Oh hey, Max.
Max: How are you?
Max: You're looking sharp.
011iver: Thank you.
Max: You get a haircut or something?
Tim: Hey Max.
Max: Hey Tim. How are you?
Tim: Pretty good.
011iver: Let's go in.
*Must Love Robots*
Max: Have you been here before?
Max: All right.
011iver: There's one across the street from [unintelligible]
Max: Cool. So how have you been?
011iver: Good. And how are you?
Max: I'm good. How's your weekend?
011iver: It was good. I've been a little sick.
Max: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
011iver: That's okay.
Max: A virus?
011iver: Yeah, a little computer virus.
011iver: No, it was. It was the Conficker.
011iver: Thank you.
Max: Do you have any recommendations?
011iver: I'd recommend the burritos since you... since you earned it.
Tim: Yeah, you won. Congratulations.
Max: So I won?
Tim: Yeah, congratulations.
Max: It seemed like a bit of a landslide.
011iver: What? Are you kidding me? You only beat out the cute little girl by five votes.
Max: Well, the cute little girl... You weren't going to take the cute little girl out for a burrito. I don't think.
011iver: Do you know what Los Pollitos is?
Max: I don't. I don't speak any Spanish.
011iver: Lost Chickens.
Max: Oh really? No it doesn't.
011iver: It does now.
Tim: I think its Las Chickens.
011iver: Lost Chickens.
Tim: But they'll be found in my belly, if you know what I mean.
011iver: Chile rellenos.
Max: And can I get a veggie burrito, please? The veggie.
*background music drowning out 011iver's and Max's conversation*
Max: So do you bring all your friends on all of your dates, 011iver?
011iver: No, I don't bring any of my friends on my dates. My friends come along and insist, they insist they come along so they can film it.
Tim: Well the thing is - I'm making a blog see, and you've got to chronicle the blog.
011iver: And then they sabotage the thing.
Max: Yeah, but don't you think you might be holding 011iver back?
011iver: Yes. Yes. Don't you think that Tim?
Max: Thank you.
011iver: Those look pretty good.
Max: They look good, yeah. Thanks.
011iver: I guess you earned it.
Max: Or I tricked you into it.
011iver: Either way.
Tim: You're a professional at walking off, aren't you?
Max: I am. I only make bets that I know I'm going to win.
011iver: I usually do the same. Huh?
Tim: Can you describe what you have there?
011iver: I can try. Thank you for asking.
Max: This is going to be a real exciting video.
Tim: Yeah, what is that?
011iver: Rice. Ball of rice.
Tim: Oh, that looks good.
011iver: Chile relleno.
Tim: What's a relleno?
011iver: It's chile. They pack it full of cheese and I think they fry it. And it's covered in sauce.
Tim: And what about you? What do you have?
Max: I have a veggie burrito with a couple of tortilla chips sticking out of it. Guacamole on top. And some mixed greens.
011iver: Those are for balance.
Max: It's just one of those zero calorie... It's like a new diet soda.
011iver: It doesn't have extra energy in it?
Tim: No, it has extra energy. They put extra energy in Pepsi Max.
Max: Extra energy?
Tim: Yeah, I drink it all the time.
Max: Oh yeah?
011iver: You funnel it right in there.
Tim: Uh huh.
011iver: I don't care for Pepsi Max.
Tim: Max. Zero. One.
Max: Well that's good, I mean, they're trying to market it to men I think, because men won't drink diet soda.
Tim: Right, we don't drink diet soda.
011iver: I'll drink Coke Zero. But I don't want to drink Diet Coke. Too ebullient. Oh geez. Is that Chuck?
Tim: Is that Chuck?
Chuck: Hey guys! I totally had no idea you were gonna be here.
011iver: I, uh... What are you doing here?
Chuck: I'm on a date. What are you doing here?
Tim: Where's your date?
Chuck: Um, over there.
011iver: That's Glen.
Chuck: No it's not. I mean, I know how from the back it kinda looks like it could be. Yes, okay, it's Glen.
Tim: You're dating Glen?
Chuck: I... yes. Is there something weird about that?
011iver: He brought his monkey.
Chuck: Okay, yeah, it's not a date. I just wanted... You never invite me to these things.
011iver: That's Chuck.
Max: Uh, is she a friend of yours?
011iver: Yeah. Oh, sit down.
Max: Hi, I'm Max.
Chuck: How ya doing, I'm Chuck.
Max: Nice to meet you.
Tim: Good to see you.
Glen: It's nice to see you too.
011iver: Hey Glen.
Glen: Hey 011ie. What's going on?
011iver: This is Max.
Max: Hi. It's nice to meet you.
Tim: Okay, I think I can officially say that this time it wasn't my fault that this is awkward.
Chuck: I think that's usually the case.
Max: So what are you guys up to?
Chuck: Just hanging around. We were in the neighborhood. I mean...
Glen: This place has nice art.
011iver: Yeah, Glen. It has great art.
Chuck: Thank you.
Tim: Really nice art.
Chuck: How's your burrito?
Max: Oh, it was good.
Chuck: I'm starving.
Max: You should make a bet with someone to try to get them to buy you a burrito.
Chuck: Ahh, you know, I think you owe me a burrito, already, cause that thing that time.
011iver: I don't remember that. We actually just finished. We were about to take off, right Max?
011iver: It was good seeing you guys. Tim, I'll see you back at the apartment.
Tim: Oh, okay.
Max: Nice to meet you guys.
Chuck: Nice to meet you.
Tim: Bye Max. See you around, Max. Well?
Chuck: I think I need a menu.
Glen: Where'd 011ie go?
Tim: The burritos here are pretty good, I guess.
Chuck: Hey, you know what? Pass me that.
Tim: You're just gonna eat the rest of hers?
It's obvious that Chuck is crushing hard, although now I'm unsure if its for Tim or 011ie. She sneaks a couple of glances at Tim when she first enters the room, but she sits next to 011ie and has a subtle chair slide scoot to get closer to him. And there is a look of victory on her face when Max ends up leaving 011ie to walk home alone. So maybe it is 011ie that she likes.
The only way to figure this out is to ask Chuck directly - so we've set up a girls only Scrabble game for Thursday night and hopefully we can get her to admit who she has a crush on. And then maybe we can set up a strategy to get her noticed by the guy/robot that she wants. I gotta imagine that Gupfee, Varin and myself can come up with a better plan than crashing 011ie's date with Glen and the spider monkey in tow. I am excited we got to meet Glen even if we didn't see the monkey.
By the way, how do you like the new camera Tim got? Shoots in nice pretty HD now. 011ie is really looking snazzy, although I think that's partially because it appears that he's had a little roBOTOX to smooth out some of the wrinkles he was getting. :) I do think the sound quality is a little muddier than the previous camera, or maybe it was just the location they were shooting in. It seemed like I had a much harder time doing the transcription for this video compared to the others. It was especially hard to hear Tim behind the camera where as before he would be the easiest one to hear. Or maybe Tim just caught 011ie's cold and could barely talk. We'll see how it goes in future videos.
Oh Pastor Ned. Your back-tech'n instructions amuse me to no end. Today we learn how to back-tech a ZIP drive so that we can safely store a backup of our website. As Pastor Ned is a professional, you should NOT try this at home unless you are prepared to lose every file that you wanted to back up.
*God Hates Robots*
Ladies and Gentlemen of my congregation, I believe we have had some kind of infraction in our network in the HTTPs of my network in connecting to the twisted pair of network on the outside. We looked through everything even though we're running on our own human power. But something apparently got through. It just shows to go that we have no safe place.
Johnny said this is to make a copy of the website pages. ZIP. ZIP. Says right there it's a 250 ZIP. It's connected to the outside, outside of the local networks. I don't know, it looks like one of those big floppy disks. I can't even find where to put the screwdriver. Sometimes they hide them behind these, but I looked behind all of the Bumpy Knobs and there is not one screw in this device that I can access to. So I'm gonna show you, I take this as an opportunity, I have disconnected it from the power grid where it was undoubtedly getting its important instructions from.
I'm gonna show you a simple Back-Tech'n. What we're gonna do is take these off. If you've got one of these, take it off. Take it off right now because you're being compromised through the electronic grid system. And I can't tell you how vigilant we are in this place and we are experts in this and still, and still, Satan has a way of using devices like this to compromise you, to get close to you and you don't expect it. You don't suspect it.
I'm gonna take this floppy drive up out of here, okay? Now what I've done, I've just got it in between one of those cracks, and you just want to open this up real careful. See? Now you got your outer top. And this is really the important part, but you can see right, what you can see right. That was not important. What is important is this tape right in here. This floppy disk, this is, this is the source of what is, what could be compromised data scenario, right here, at the, at the church. And I can't believe this could happen right here.
As you can see, these chips right in here, some of these, if I can see, this wire is connected to a capacitatter. And this capacitatter goes to the diode which is connected to the firm chip. And the firm chip is what can be reprogrammed by the electrical grid. Yeah, that's the kind though. Just like that. They all got little legs like they're kinda a spider. If you pull this thing straight out and into the soldering, then you see this spider legs on it. And that's the trick. See when you see the one with the spider legs on it, then you rip that out. And you see all of them are like that. These boards on the back. Oh dang, I'm gonna cut myself up real bad. On the back you can see where them, where they make the soldering. All of these are individual little solderers, solders, and they all touch each other. Touch each other. Touch each other. Touch each other. So the circuit is completed. Okay? Urgh. Now it can make it so that this spring loaded mechanism right here could be 100 times the strength. This disk will come right, some little kid be "I'm a gonna take my game and save my... ARRGGH!" Come right in on his neck. ARRRR! Just like that. And now that is what you don't expect.
So what we're gonna do in the back-teching of this device, I'm gonna remove this part here, which is really the dangerous part. We don't need any of that. And we sure do not need an electrical grid connector. All we need for a safe backup of our website. Snap this back together, just like that. 'Kay? Now what I have done is we're gonna go back in time. People wanted to save things in the previous times, you just print them out, right? So I print out my website, I'm gonna fold it up, and then if Johnny forgets what he had where, well there. Now he can go get it, okay? It's right there. That's a back-tech'n.
There's also been an update on the Profiles of the 36. The newest member of Pastor Ned's Wacky Brigade is Sonja "RockFish" - who obviously needs to stop eating weird food so late at night if she continues to have such wacky dreams.
I am distrustful of electronic forms of entertainment. I much prefer to craft things with my own hands. Some activities I enjoy include balloon modelling and fabric painting. For example, I made my own iron-on t-shirt transfers for my "1 of the 36" shirt with special fabric paint.
I had a dream of collecting some promotional materials that had been mailed to me care of my old university. A couple of post-grad students found the parcels so appealing that they had opened them and fled the scene by the time I arrived. The delivery turned out to have been two large boxes. One contained a single t-shirt (that thankfully fitted me and not the post-grad students) and the other contained a number of identical items from a McDonald's promotion. Both boxes seemed rather half-mast, and I never found out what the robo-students took from them. (I assume they were robo-students even though I never saw them because humans would not behave so badly)
After visiting the university, I decided to go to McDonald's for dinner, as they were having a new three-course-meal menu. A slight misunderstanding meant that I started with the main course of chicken and corn macaroni. Heading back to the counter, I saw that the entree choices were entire heads of broccoli in cheese sauce, or giant roast jacket potatoes. I selected a potato, but when I headed back to the new dining section, there were no tables left. I sat down on a cane sofa next to a little boy. I had to balance the paper plate on my knee as the ubiquitous brown plastic trays were banned in the new area. Just as I was taking my first mouthful, the little boy punched me, kicked me and, before I could react, started screaming for help saying that I had hit him! The mother pretended not to notice and clearly never disciplined her son. The employee in charge came over and took my side straight away - it turned out that I knew him.
I never did find out what was for dessert because everyone else was sent away. It became apparent that the employee had taken the job because it came with free rent at an adjoining apartment. The dream ended when the employee's girlfriend came in and complained about him bringing work home yet again.
What were the chances of that happening without divine intervention?
Pastor Ned has also been busy with the email. He's emailed RockFish welcoming her into the fold, and Steven both as a new recruit and to let him and the other disciples know about a new threat: a Robot Revisionist Bible.
Again, I find myselve weeping at the site of God's plan coming together. Just as PauL came forward, you have reaffimed my faith, my vision and our mission. I am in awe of how perfect is his vision. I would not have went for oranges and browns as a man thinking a mans thoughts, but God had a different plan and now I see how perfectly balanced between robo-intimidaton and stealthiness is your and PauLs great war armor. From a robot perspective, you will appear as a decayed tree trunk or pile of autumn leaves... and then as his secondary scan reveals the outline of your limbs, your horrorble visade will trigger his alert system and cause a moment of confusion that will be extremely advantagous - then he may have seconds to analyze your tools and holy orange robo-organ vessel to realize what exactly the heck is happening up in here... It may not be fear as we know it, but in the robot world, you are the equalivant of that fish that looks like a rock but has a tongue that looks like a worm and you drow them in and SNAP! Maybe your new warrior name will be RockFish.
I would be very greatful to know more about your path that led you here and also any special skills that you may have so that God may reveal your new name to us. Soon, I will then be able to perhaps select you to inspire the others with a public page on the home pages of the church. Please contact PauL and fellowship with him as well. You are now siblings in our quest. What is this quest you ask? What have I blind faithly leaped across the great precipice and commited to? As you know God is really mysteryous and he does things his own way. The truth is that I cannot tell you the complete mission yet as there are only a few details remaining to be revealed. I can tell you that you need to study this:
and please study my sermons and onthe road podcats
And you need to contact PauL. If either of you have important visions, please tell them to me immediately. Sometimes a silly dream about like an old very liberal social studies teacher with a chestnut necklace and sleeve patches from junior elementary school may in fact be a message. And now that we are all becoming part of a larger organ of God, we may have things that mean something to one of the others or only be meaningful together. DO not ignore your dreams or visions now taht you have been touched and called in this way. Everything might be important. Heed this.
Soon, our mission will be revealed. Until then, it is now your mission as well and i need your help to gather the 36. They may be rght in front of you. you may meet them at the petro station. Here are some practical questions.
1) what is your location on the globe
2) do you have electrical transmission knowledge
3) Do you have reliable transportation
4) Your shirt is fantastic you obviously could be the uniformer as you have creative prowess - can you make 36 of these in custom sizes if I provide a loom?
In the world of discipleship, your kind of calling experience is known as the grapeseed. As you know, a grape seed is planted and stays the exact same size for months until it is ready to grow. And when it grows, it suddenly blows up to its full size in 1 day. This is the beauty of God's plan for you... Congratulations on your clarity! some are more murky in their aknowledging of the calling. You, I can sense, have no doubts and are ready to jump into this, the greatest struggle of our times. You will bes ummoned, instructions will be forthcoming and I will share them with you and the rest of the 36 as I get them... as you know the day of reconfiguration is almost at hand. And it is us who will be in place to stop it. We are the only hope for this civilization.. That is the importance of your mission. At the moment, I need you do quickly do several things.. I need a photo of you to inspire this band of warriors... in glorious oranges and browns and with accessories to enhance your intimidation and stealthiness. Don't forget storage for your tools and supplies as you may be required to travel in your city. ANd what is that city? This is crucial as we plan to stop the transmissoin of robo reconfiguration data over the electrical grid systems... permanently. Otherwise, any amount of backteching we do will be pointless as we will still be overwhelmed by conglomoratedevices that will come from every corner of the earth to destroy us... still, it is wise to go through your house and identify the most dangerous devises. - Work with the other disciples closely to develp lists and plans in this regard. If you have ability, video or audio tape of backteching is very helpful and I will shart this information with all out desciples and our webguests. The AOL keyword to find my site is i think godhatesrobots - otherwies you can use the google or go int o your address bars and click. Your profiles will be posted at this page:
Not sure if that is enoughto get you there i have a hotlink in an emal i was given by johnny.
Also, I need information about your path to me, what led you here, specil skill you have and words to inspire others.. This is your charge for now as it is. Thank you for following his will as he pulls us all together. Welcome to the 36. You need a good warroir name that will be revealed by God. Please listen for this. Perhaps your uniform will make this clear.
Keep aware and opened
RockFish of the 36 (and the rest of my 36),
May God lead us all as we prepare in these times. I apprecite your detailed answers to my many questions. Firstly, I need a better location than coastal australia so that I can prepare my plan. Can you provide your city? God has told me that your location is necesary to complete his Plan. Details are forthcoming so, in these times where it seems nothing is happening is when the oceans are stirring deeply... we do not always see, but we will see the reveal and I sense it is coming forth. PauL, I also need your city.
I have found something very disturbing evidence that there is a movement to re-tell the story of Chirst to soften us up to robotkind... it is b;asphemous as I have ever seen - to suggest that he was a robot! attached is a copy of the text. See if you can find this robot posing as a human and report back so we can make a plan to stop him! RockFish has acceptional researhcing skills on the google and I think it may be her destiny to be our scholar.
RockFish has reported of a thwarted attempt to send data down the electrical lines. RObots will continue to try this and perfect their system so it is publicly acceptable however, it is ALREADY in PLACE! It will send the encrypted datas to ALL devices on the day of reconfiguration and that is why it is impearitve to back tech household devices that are the most threatening with the most moving parts - especially those that are MOBILE! If you are inspired to, please submit your own backteching info and I will get it out to the congregation on the video tubes or webpages, even on the E-Mails. We could really use a list of the most dangerous houselholed appliances and a priority list to backtech them in order of danger. RockFish, you are very good at finding these devices and as part of the 36, we are now like one large weilding organ that must reach everyone. PLease help me. When you think you have done enough, that is only when you need to work harder... time is VERY SHORT! I do hope that God gives us a Media Warrior who can get us on the news in some way, even if the tactics are questionable. It is too important to argue about those kinds of ethics now. Please continue your outreach in your areas doubly hard now. Weild the holy organ of truth!
RockFish, your crafty hands will be a great asset, I thank you for uncovering these outlets and resources taht may become of use soon. You have clearly been led here through coincidental(NOT) salles of footware and accessories. I am glad you have found your way..
about your vision, well, I am coming up with something around 0, it is not clicking for me. Maybe PauL can see the significance. I do think the Potato could be the truth as it is often used to symbolize in ancient texts. And clearly the child is a threatened robot, but other than that, i am not picking up any instructions. Thank you though for your detail. you never do know, but you will learn to strain out as you exercise your filter as a new disciple. This is ok. When I began I once thought that I saw a design in the bubbles in the toilet that looked like two letters in cursive, but you will come to know that God would not use such a pallette.
I am also going to copy two NEW potential disciples on this missive. Please encourage them, nurture them... we will soon have too many for me to always correspond directly with. But remember that God uses us all. We are flesh and flesh is like a receiveing antenna for his will. open yourself to it and share with each other even the slightest pulls and tugs that you feel. Together, we are one great force that will soon be called upon to stop the day of reconfiguration. This i know. I will reveal details to you as I receive them.
Stay vigalant and alert.
For my new recruits, I will contact you individually soon, but joining the 36 is like jumping into that pot of boiling water.
I have no idea who the fourth member of the 36th is, but I can't wait to see their and Steven's pictures on the profile page.
As for the Robot Revisionist Bible Pastor Ned seems to want us to track down, the quote looks to be out of the book God and the Reach of Reason by Erik Joseph Wielenberg. Not entirely sure what we're supposed to do with that information. I was really hoping for another webpage with a Robot Pastor. That would be cool.
It seems that Rockfish gave him some of the info that he asked for (maybe on the Robot Bible?), because he wrote back thanking her for some information. She also got a link back to a painting of a crucified Robot Jesus and the Let Me Google That For You site. She pointed out that obviously Johnny/Lugnut is getting annoyed at Pastor Ned if he's giving out that website address.
This painting is an inspiration it looks like he is blowing up
Thank you for this information RockFish, you are really really good at working the google. No idea how you find all that stuff. Johnny showed me a site that helps me a lot. http://lmgtfy.com/ i am always typing in the wrong addressng space
Continue to Page 4 >>
See the Intro page
for a list of all the websites, plus brief information about this guide and the game.